Revive Our Hearts Broadcast with Rebecca and Danya Begins Today

QUICK LINKS

Visiting today after listening to the Revive Our Hearts broadcast? Thanks for stopping by!

• Listen to all this week's broadcasts with Rebecca and Danya. (These are no longer available in transcript form. You must order the CDs.)
• Season of Change: Parenting Your Middle Schooler wtih Passion and Purpose is available from Revive Our Hearts along with the audio set of the 4-part interview with Nancy Leigh.
• Purchase Season of Change for Kindle here.
• Take a look inside the book. 
• Take a look at Rebecca's Bible studies for girls: Wise Up! Experience the Power of Proverbs (6th grade-9th grade) and Get Real! Embrace the Reality of Ruth (7th grade-up, with Danya as contributing author)
• Get the new DANYA EP on iTunes or Amazon.
• Interested in learning more about the Pure In Heart Conferences this fall? Go here.

Mom, Do You Listen Well?

New to Mom Seriously? Welcome! You'll find tons of great parenting articles, homeschooling encouragement, and every day, a Mom's Tip of the Day. Enjoy!

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Although talking and texting with their friends comes naturally, as kids enter their adolescent years, talking with their parents can become strained. It seems we moms only get busier as our children grow, so we must train ourselves to become even more intentional about listening. Believe me, you don't want to miss anything they say! Try these three tips to become more purposeful in listening to your middle schooler.

Listen without talking. Middlers are sometimes slow to pull their thoughts together. After all, they are developing mentally, as well! Your child needs a patient listener who does not interrupt or try to rush him through a conversation by speaking for him. My middler knows that I often fall short in this area of listening. I try to keep the words of James 1:19 before me: ...be quick to listen, slow to speak...

• Make eye contact.
• Focus on your child.
• Don't plan how you're going to respond or reply until your child is finished talking.
• To be sure you were listening well, repeat what your child said. Say, "Okay, I heard you say that you wanted to..."

 Listen without fixing it. Often your twelve-year-old just wants to talk through a decision she is making. She does not want you to make it for her. Determine if your child is asking for advice or if she is simply turning to you as a sounding board. How will you know? Just let her keep talking!

• Does your silence lead her to continue reasoning, or is she looking at you expectantly?
• Rather than giving her an answer, ask questions that will lead her to a conclusion of her own. If you make this decision, how will you feel later today? How will you feel about it next month? Who will be affected by your decision?

Listen without distractions. A mom once told me how her son had sent his younger brothers and sisters outside after dinner one night, implying that he would join them soon to play. Instead, he began slowly helping her clear the table and load the dishwasher. It took her a few minutes, but she realized that he was trying to have some one-on-one time with her. He had sent his younger sibs outside so he could have his mom all to himself, knowing he would receive her undivided attention and listening ear.

• Take advantage of drives to sports practices and music lessons by showing your interest in listening to your child.
• Put the cell phone on silent and turn the radio down.
• Plan occasional dates with your growing child.

 The years are few and fleeting. Listen well!

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Confronting the Idols of a Modern-Day Culture: An Excerpt from Season of Change

New to Mom Seriously? Welcome! You'll find tons of great parenting articles, homeschooling encouragement, and every day, a Mom's Tip of the Day. Enjoy!

I spent my middle and high school years submerged in the 1980s. The rampant materialism of the day was like an IV in the arm of idolatry. The media was not as far-reaching then, but through movies, television, pop music, and fashion magazines, it still managed to erect idols in my soul: the idol of glamour, the forbidden, foolish vanity, and unwarranted pride. I had an enemy! And I still do. As parents, we must warn our children of the enemy and help them defeat him, first by surrendering our own idols, and then, by developing a daily battle plan.

Making a decision for Christ opposes the idols of the world. It confronts the culture with His truth, taking on many forms in order to reach all people with His message. When you receive too much change and give it back to the store clerk, when you befriend a stranger, when you overlook a wrong, and when you pray for those who hurt you, you are confronting the culture. But does that make a real difference? It can potentially make a life or death difference, if, as the apostle Peter taught, you are “ready to speak up and tell anyone who asks why you’re living the way you are, and always with the utmost courtesy” (1 Peter 3:15b, Msg). We can challenge the way things are by choosing the way God meant them to be. We can be set apart, and so can our kids.

Confronting the idols in our modern-day culture means choosing a lifestyle that is set apart—not one that is tucked away. We must live boldly according to God’s precepts, engaging a people who are desperate for His abundant life, showing them a different way to go. Our children need to see that alternate route, as well. They will best resist the pull of the world if they are standing firm on right choices—choices they have learned to make, one after the other, over their growing-up years.

The last thing your middler needs is a religion full of don’ts. He needs a relationship with Jesus Christ—a personal connection that is as integral to everyday decisions as it is to life’s major crossroads. Truly, the middle school years are a time when the everyday decisions seem like major crossroads. What to wear, what band to listen to, what friends to hang out with—these are all monumental moments in the life of a middler. Because of their desperate need for peer-approval, coupled with their desire to blend in, many kids will go along with the crowd because it’s the easy thing to do. The idol of convenience tempts them to take the easy way out, so fitting in and going along with the crowd is far easier than thinking through and taking a stand provoked by conviction. As parents, we must teach our kids how to navigate the multitude of choices the world presents. We have to help them learn how to think through things. For example, if your child begins to show an interest in a secular band that doesn’t meet your approval, find a similar Christian band and purchase their CDs. Then begin asking the tough questions. If it is the type of music that was appealing (country, rock, hip-hop), the problem is solved. But if it is the band’s worldliness, their lyrics, or their lifestyle that your teen found attractive, you need to find out why—and your child, also, needs to confront his attraction to sin.

Excerpted from Season of Change: Parenting Your Middle Schooler with Passion and Purpose by Rebecca Ingram Powell. All rights reserved. May not be used without permission.

Season of Change is available now on Kindle!



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Protect Purity When You Downplay Dating

New to Mom Seriously? Welcome! You'll find tons of great parenting articles, homeschooling encouragement, and every day, a Mom's Tip of the Day. Enjoy!

Click HERE to view all my Porn and Purity articles!

Much of the confusion Christian parents and teens experience when it comes to dating exists because this modern-day tradition is not mentioned in the Bible. God’s Word was written in a time, at a place, and to a people familiar with betrothal. Arranged marriages and even legal customs were firmly in place to provide for a man and a woman to be linked together to raise a family and to continue a lineage. Interestingly, when a couple’s love story is mentioned in the Bible, the record shows that God actually did drop the right woman right in front of the man who was looking for her.

Adam and Eve. While Adam was sleeping, God formed Eve from one of his ribs, and then He brought her to him.
Isaac and Rebekah. Father Abraham sent his trusted servant in search of a wife for his son, Isaac. Through prayer, completely relying on God, the servant was able to spot Rebekah immediately, and she agreed to be Isaac’s wife, though they had never met!

Your daughter can explore the story
of Ruth in Get Real!

Ruth and Boaz. Ruth was a beautiful young widow, and the Bible suggests that Boaz was quite a bit older than she. Upon her arrival in Bethlehem, she “just happened” to go to work in Boaz’s field. When Ruth let him know that she was willing to be his wife, he said, “God bless you, my dear daughter! What a splendid expression of love! And when you could have had your pick of any of the young men around” (Ruth 3:10, Msg).

When we de-emphasize dating, we are helping our child display a splendid expression of love to his future spouse. The choice to forego dating (as our culture knows it) guards the heart, in order that it may be given fully to the future spouse, with no outstanding emotional ties. It gives kids the chance for real-time relationships, by providing the opportunity to develop lifelong friendships with persons of the opposite sex.

Why waste kisses? Why squander intimacy? Why grieve the Holy Spirit by defiling the body—the temple of God? Wouldn’t it be better if our kids could look back on their teen relationships without regrets but with plenty of fun memories? So how do you do that? Click on the links below!

Prepare your young children with positive imagery.
Provide your tweens with present-day examples.

This article and its links are excerpted from Season of Change: Parenting Your Middle Schooler with Passion and Purpose by Rebecca Ingram Powell.

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Weekly Wrap-Up: The Power of a Mentor

New to Mom Seriously? Welcome! You'll find tons of great parenting articles, homeschooling encouragement, and every day, a Mom's Tip of the Day. Enjoy!

Who is your mentor? Can you think of those people who have played "Mr. Miyagi" to your "Daniel"? Maybe it was a beloved high school teacher, a dear friend, or a next-door neighbor who poured their own life--by example and instruction--into your own. Maybe it was your big sister or a beloved aunt. Heaven-sent, they made a difference that will eventually be re-invested into a life you touch one day, and passed on again from there.

When it comes to parenting, we long to be our child's mentors, and when they are little, we definitely are. As they grow, however, especially when they reach their teen years, we have to pursue, pray for, and provide for other folks to step in to those mentoring roles. Coaches, teachers, youth pastors, and other instructors come along who share like interests with your child and who offer them a fresh perspective. They possess the experience and knowledge on subjects that are appealing to our kids--subjects that aren't necessarily "our thing."

(Lto R) Kelli, Josh, and Derek

About a year ago, my son Derek's love for music and radio connected him in a unique way with a local Christian radio station, WNAZ, owned by and housed on the campus of Trevecca Nazarene University. The student deejays there still run call-in contests and take requests when they're on the air, and after Derek won a succession of several contests, he began calling on a daily basis just to talk with the guys. We found out we had a mutual friend with DJ Josh Taylor, then a senior (who also happens to have been homeschooled). Josh invited both my boys, Derek and his older brother David, out to tour the studio and sit in on his shift last December. Yeah, after one visit, Derek was hooked! He returned several times to see Josh and learn more about what it's like to work in radio.

Then just a few months ago, we found out that Trevecca was going to sell the station. My boys became activists, setting up a Facebook page and seeing how the nature of a quiet protest works. (You can read about that HERE.) I'm not sure if Trevecca realized they were losing a potential student when they opted to sell the station LOL, but they did, and Derek's dream of one day being a student DJ on campus at WNAZ was pretty much shot...until he saw this video on Facebook.

Josh and his wife Kelli make the big announcement!

This Saturday, beginning at 1pm CST, Derek will be hosting his own shift at WNAZ! We hope all our Nashville friends and family will be listening (and call in a request, if you'd like!) and for those who live out of the area, the station broadcasts online with live streaming at WNAZ.com.

My thanks to Josh for his willingness to share his gifts, talents, and love for radio with Derek. That's what a mentor does! And when it comes to raising boys today, I am so very thankful for godly young men like Josh who are willing to invest the costliest gift in the next generation: time.



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Talking About Girls, Friends, and Accountability

I'll be tackling several components of friendship at the Pure In Heart Conference in Tampa (ten days away!). One of those has to do with accountability. Below is an excerpt from my book, Season of Change: Parenting Your Middle Schooler with Passion and Purpose.

Accountability has become somewhat of a buzzword among Christians, especially among men’s and women’s small groups. If we are not careful, our children will get the impression that accountability is an adult thing, when it is really a Christian thing.

Accountability simply means to be held answerable for accomplishing a goal, completing a task, or even behaving in a certain way. In our Christian circles, it can mean that one is held responsible for the knowledge she has gained. For example, if your pastor preaches on tithing one Sunday morning, you are then accountable to act like a person who has learned about tithing. Having learned what God’s Word says about that financial principle, you are expected to act on it. As a Christian, you are accountable to apply those biblical truths to your life.

In the same way, our kids need to understand that in close Christian friendships, accountability has the right to ask questions:
Why did you do that?

Accountability has the permission to confront:
Dude, she is your sister! Don’t treat her that way!

Accountability has the privilege to probe:
Why don’t you like playing with your little brother? He just wants to hang around us.

Accountability in a friendship must exist to tackle the hard questions as both people are called higher in relationship with Christ.

As children grow into middlers, they will be approaching their friends more and more with their various problems and life issues. This doesn’t mean that they won’t be coming to you, Mom! It just means they will also be turning to their friends. They need to be choosing friends who can provide them with trustworthy counsel and good, solid advice.

Season of Change: Parenting Your Middle Schooler with Passion and Purpose (2008, Tate Publishing) is available as a book, e-book, audio book, and on Kindle. Click HERE for all your purchase options!


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Three Tips for Helping Your Shy Child

Middle school is ruthless when it comes to friendships. Children are often caught off guard as they transition from the elementary school mindset of "everyone is friends" to the middle school mentality of social ladders and the "in" crowd. A shy child navigating these uncharted waters can quickly find herself drowning in social scenarios she feels unprepared to handle. How does a parent help her shy child without micro-managing? Glynnis Whitwer, author of When Your Child Is Hurting: Helping Your Kids Survive the Ups and Downs of Life, offers several tips.

Coach your child in conversation. "We practiced," admits Whitwer, who is the mother of a shy child. "We went over how to have a conversation, and how to ask the other person open-ended questions." Rehearse different social situations with your child, coming up with opening lines, positive comments, and interesting questions.

Encourage your shy child to be an inviter. Whitwer recommends asking your shy child who he wants to get to know. Then, create opportunities for affordable activities and outings and invite that friend to come along.
Invest in your child's interests. "When your child is involved in something he likes, he will find other friends who like those same things," says Whitwer. "You just need to be sure you figure it out in an affordable way." Scouting, sports, or group lessons (music, dance, or art) all come with a group of potential friends.

Season of Change

"My shy child is never going to be the kid with a lot of friends," says Whitwer. "I have to coach him in solving the problem of loneliness without stepping in." And that, dear readers, is the balancing act of parenting middle schoolers: coaching from the sidelines, rather than stepping onto the field.




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Avoiding a Crumpled, Critical, Cliqued-Out Daughter

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Remember middle school? The cliques formed amazingly fast! Life morphed from playing with Barbie dolls to feeling pressured to look like one. Suddenly, a girl’s social status rests on her physical development and ability to attract the opposite sex. Even young girls can get hung up on outward beauty and feel compelled to pursue it, neglecting the makeover that needs to occur in their hearts.

At some point, we all long to be the prettiest girl in the room. But if a girl is only pretty on the outside, she is as one-dimensional as a model in a magazine ad: flat, lifeless, and easily crumpled. Makeup can conceal blemishes and braces can straighten teeth, but the only way to have a beautiful heart is to invite the Master of the Makeover, Jesus Christ, to do a work on the inside, where it counts.

The next several years are critical as you shield your daughter from the enemy’s lies and show your daughter who God says she is. Psalm 139 explains in beautiful language that she is fearfully and wonderfully made! She is one of a kind! God knows her story. His love does not balance on her appearance or her actions. It rests on the simple fact that He is the lover of her soul. She has managed to fascinate the Most High God without even knowing it!

You can still register!

Hey Mom, did you know this is a truth that applies to you, too? And if you don't accept it, embracing it wholeheartedly, then she might not either.

If we can point our girls to the truth of God’s love for them, they will be transformed into a channel of His love. It will be natural for them to share His love with others, even those who are unkind and hurtful toward them. Christ’s love conquered death. It can conquer cliques, too.



Quick Tips:

• Avoid cliques by encouraging diverse friendships and group activities.
• Best friends are nearly essential at this age, but help your daughter keep her eyes and heart open to those girls who are consistently left out of the loop.
• Show your daughter, by example, an attitude of  "Others First."
• Pump up her self-esteem by affirming her with your positive words, listening ear, and open heart.
• Encourage her faith and remind her that she is a priceless treasure to the One who made her.

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Mean Tweens? Guide Your Daughter to Love Her Enemies

Growing up and learning how to relate to other women is not easy. Girls entering the middle school years find a social hierarchy established on the shaky ground of tender adolescence. These years have the power to lay the foundation for a lifetime of gossip, bitterness, and unforgiveness. For most tweens, it is easy to be critical rather than caring and fault-finding rather than forgiving, but these tendencies must be transformed through the cleansing power of God’s Word. That’s where you come in, Mom! Are you willing to set an example of a Christ-like approach to offenses? Believe me, it's quite easy to revert to the vengeance, feelings, and form of a hurt 12-year-old when it's your baby girl who's being mistreated! But we're called to a higher standard.

Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you (Matt. 5:44). With your guidance, your daughter can learn to pray for her enemies. Praying for one who is hurtful will not only release a spirit of forgiveness within the one who prays, but also, it will open the door to a supernatural understanding of the offender (which can even result in compassionate feelings toward that person!). Praying together now will lay the groundwork for approaching your daughter’s teen years as prayer partners.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen (Ephesians 4:29). Gossip, teasing, name-calling, and sarcasm are standard fare for pre-teen conversation, whether it is up close and personal or anonymous via cyberbullying on email and blog sites. Your daughter can go against the flow by remembering this verse and using her speech to encourage her peers with truthful words that are kind and helpful.

Don’t show favoritism (James 2:1). Help your daughter avoid the trap of superficiality. Lead her to understand that friends should not be chosen based on how they dress or how attractive they are. She will miss out on some great friendships if she makes judgments based on first impressions.

At the Pure In Heart Conference, we discuss all these issues in breakout sessions with the girls. We're registering now for the upcoming conference in Tampa (early bird discounts apply!). If you're anywhere nearby, and you have a daughter, niece, or granddaughter between the ages of 7 and 12, won't you join us?

Check out the website for details!

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After The Talk, Sex Should Be An Ongoing Conversation

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When my kids were just toddlers, I received some great advice from an older mom. She said, “You want to be the first one to tell your children about sex. Then, everything else they hear will be measured against what you said.” My husband had that initial, biological, let’s-define-these-terms talk with each of our boys, and I talked with our daughter. We understood that when Mom or Dad is the first place a child learns about sex, it makes that parent an expert on the subject. It also makes that parent a safe place to go with questions. You see, after The Talk, sex should be an ongoing conversation.

It is ironic that the very facts of life are what seem to interrupt the way our kids live it! Hormones come barging in like an unexpected detour. Suddenly the well-worn path of childhood becomes a super highway of never-ending construction work! One evening a girl puts a tooth under her pillow for the tooth fairy to whisk away. The next morning, she starts her menstrual cycle! A boy who finally figures out his choir solo one week cannot even stay on pitch the next. The physical changes and emotional challenges that confront our kids come at lightning speed. How will they figure it all out?

You are the tour guide. A few years ago, my husband and I were planning a trip to New York City. I was excited about it, but as the date of departure drew closer, I began to panic. We had never been to a really big city. The fear of the unknown was overwhelming to me. How would we figure it all out? Then I remembered that I had a friend from college, Keith, who lived in Manhattan. A quick call was all it took and we had our own personal tour guide! Keith showed us the town—his town! The subways were a cinch to navigate with a seasoned New Yorker at our side. Hailing a cab was a breeze! As a transplanted Tennessean, Keith shared some insider information about New York’s culture and people. (He also acted as translator for all the folks who couldn't understand our southern accents!) Having adjusted well to the big city, he wanted us to see all the things he loved about it.

When it comes to Planet Growing-Up, the fear of the unknown can be overwhelming to your child. Yet you have been there; you know your way around.  Now it's time for you to act as tour guide (and translator!). You can help her feel comfortable in a changing body and a developing mind. You can share information about the people and the culture in this new adult world. Don’t you want her to see all the things you love about it?

Check out my book, Season of Change: Parenting Your Middle Schooler with Passion and Purpose loaded with tips and tools for leading your child through the awkward stages of growing up!




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The Answer to Your Middle Schooler's Afternoon Crunch? Kitchen Duty!

It’s the afternoon crunch: that time crunched between the end of the day and the beginning of the evening, when everything seems to be happening at once. Kids are getting home from school, many parents are transitioning from work to home, and it's time to get dinner ready. Plus, homework needs to be started, and extracurricular activities like dance lessons and sports practices are coming up later, with a precious few hours in between. How do you reel in the chaos that accompanies the crunch?

Mom's Tip of the Day #97

Pray for your child to have teachers and tutors who will challenge and motivate him in the learning process. Make it a point to pray nightly with your child for his teachers.

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Porn, The Secret Cancer: A Mom Seriously Interview with Youth Pastor/Speaker Troy Perry



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Troy Perry with son Noah

Today I'm so pleased to introduce you to Troy Perry, who is our youth pastor at Madison First (yes, my teens are so blessed!) and a youth speaker. Troy is the proud husband of Sara and father to four-year-old Noah. Some of you who have been my readers for a while may remember that Troy and his wife Sara spoke at the very first Pure In Heart Conference , which then included a high school track, back in 2006! Troy is a former porn addict--redeemed by God's Grace! Today he graciously shares a portion of his story with my readers in this exclusive interview. Parents of middle schoolers, please notice that while Troy's initial exposure began at a truly young age, it really picked up speed when he was 13. Are you talking to your kids about this "secret cancer"? Be on the lookout for more from Troy in the weeks to come!

Mom Seriously (MS): When was your first exposure to porn?

Troy Perry (Troy): I remember my dad and granddad watching porn movies. They would tell me to close my eyes during the X-rated scenes, but I would peek through my hands to watch too. So I was exposed to it at a really young age. Then when I was around the age of 13, I remember finding a magazine. I took it and hid it under the mattress.

MS: Troy, as we talk today, we need a working definition of what porn is. How would you define it?

Troy: Porn is anything that would cause a male or female to think about sex. And that is key—it has to be male or female in our definition. It is an addiction that can affect both sexes these days.

MS: So, anything that generates lust?

Troy: Yes, and boys get hooked on pornography easily. Usually, what happens is, a boy finds his dad’s collection of magazines or videos. The problem with guys is that we don’t have to have a lot of product to get hooked on it. We are visual. When we see provocative or sensual images, there is a certain chemical that is released into our minds. Eventually, it takes more and more stimulation to create the secretion of that hormone, so we move on to harder and harder things.

MS: That can all be done with the click of a mouse these days. You can get anything you want online.

Troy: What started in the 60s, when Hustler and Playboy hit the market, has progressed to what we have online today. And with the Internet, you don’t even have to be ashamed.

MS: Mom Seriously readers are going to want some tips and resources—strategies for fighting porn in their homes. What do you recommend?

Troy: I recommend the site XXXChurch.com. Parents get naïve and think, This will not happen to my kid. But we have to approach porn by going on the defensive and saying, Hey, this very well could happen to my kid. You’ve got to be real. Every guy is going to struggle with porn. We have to be vocal about it. The effectiveness of porn comes from the secrecy. When we keep it a secret, it continues to be a cancer.

MS: Troy, your addiction to porn continued even after you became a Christian.

Troy: Yeah, I was a believer, but I was hooked on Internet porn.

MS: Like a lot of people.

Troy: Well, I was trying to quit, but I was trying on my own. Then one day, my girlfriend (at the time) found it on my computer. She was hurt and angry, and I had nothing to say. It was almost a sense of freedom when she found it, because it was no longer a secret. I felt that I was free to go get help. I went to talk to my youth pastor who hooked me up with XXX church.com and software filters. We formed a small accountability group and committed to support each other. I also read Every Man's Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time (The Every Man Series) and just ate it up. (It was the first book I ever read all the way through!) From that book, I picked up the tips of bouncing my eyes. Also, since I lived alone, I had friends put restrictions and different passwords on my computer. When you get addicted to that kind of stuff, you can pick your own way of love and you can pick who loves you back. There’s nothing real about it.

MS: Troy, thanks for talking with me today. Readers, do you have a question for Troy? He will be checking my author page on Facebook throughout the day, so if you have something you would like to ask about pornography addiction, please drop by my page and leave your question there for him! You can count on Troy to shoot straight and give you the best answer he possibly can!

Remember: A great Bible study for your coming-of-age son is Dig Deep: Unearthing the Treasures of Solomon's Proverbs. 


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Healthy Snacks For Your On-the-Go Middle Schooler

What does your middle schooler find when he heads to the kitchen for a snack? Foods that are kid-friendly are not always healthful. Air-puffed and highly processed snacks are not going to be filling. He needs fuel that meets his requirements for quick and easy and your requirements for nutritious and wholesome.
Keep these snacks on hand for your on-the-go middle schooler:

Whole grain pretzels

Bagels (top with peanut butter. low-fat cream cheese, local honey, or spreadable fruit)

Microwave Popcorn (look for the less salt, less butter varieties)

Yogurt (Save money by getting the larger containers rather than single-serving sizes. Top with homemade granola, nuts, or fruit.)

Raisins

Fruit (Choose from what's in season and on sale!)

Cut-up veggies like carrots, cucumbers, or celery and keep them stashed in the fridge for easy access. Accompany with ranch dip, pimento cheese, or natural peanut butter.

Juice pops (Make your own by freezing 100% juice in ice trays or Popsicle molds)

Cheese and whole wheat crackers


What are your kids' favorite healthy (or at least healthier, LOL) snacks? (When I was in middle school, I loved English muffins topped with pizza sauce and mozzarella cheese, slid under the broiler for just long enough to brown the edges and melt the cheese. Ohhhh, the days when the metabolism was high....)


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M&M's and A Battle Plan for Purity



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Trying to live a pure life in a filthy world is no easy task--not for us adults, and not for our kids. Talking about purity seems so abstract, especially when it is accompanied by a list of do's and don'ts. Our kids hear our voices all the time. What do they see us living? What does a pure life really look like? And do we really understand what it's like for them?

The MnM's Empathy Crash Course. I promised a battle plan, a I'm getting to that, but I've got a little something to share with you moms to help you understand the appeal of porn and how the world is constantly after your son to have some. (Some of you do understand. But some of you don't.) Okay, do you like chocolate? I mean, are you like me and you really, really like chocolate? Get three packs of MnM's--plain or peanut, whichever is your fave--put one package in your purse. Put one in your cupholder in your car. Put one next to your favorite reading chair. Now, do not eat any of them. Do not even open the packages. Let that candy tempt you, taunt you, yell at you, even scream at you to have some. But don't. Now, just to make it interesting: Give all the other members of your family three packs of MnM's as well (Keep this age-appropriate, of course. I don't recommend giving 3 packs of MnM's to your 4 yo! LOL). Place no restrictions on them.

How long can you make it without opening one of your packs of MnM's?
It would be easier if you didn't keep running into it (purse), seeing it wherever you go (car), dealing with it right in front of you whenever you try to relax (by your favorite chair).
It would be easier if you didn't keep thinking, But there's not anything wrong with it.
It would be easier if the people around you didn't keep eating it in front of you.
It would be easier if everyone else had a problem with it too.

Live with it for at least a week, Mom. Get a real clue of what your son faces on the battlefield. Every time you see that candy and you desire it, pray for your son to be strong in a world filled with pornography and lustful images constantly beckoning for his attention.

Now, a pure life? And how to go about it? Tell your son it looks like this:

• Following God’s teachings (God’s Strategy for Purity is here.)
• Refusing to look at pornography (Job’s Eye Commitment is here. The Psalmist’s is here.)
• Remembering that nothing is ever truly hidden. Satan will tell you that no one will find out. He lies.
• Turning your eyes from girls who are immodestly dressed--on television, in catalogs, at the beach, mall, school, and even at church. Even if she wants you to look at her! (Especially if she wants you to look at her.)
• Protecting the girls around you by checking your flirtatiousness, guarding their hearts, saving your kiss, and reminding yourself that there is only one girl that will be your wife. All the other girls belong to their own future husbands.
• Committing your purity to God, and
• Cooperating with Him to establish a firm resolve that sex is for marriage, and your life belongs to Jesus. And you're good with that. You are content.

Tell your son: You’re not alone in this war, but sometimes it will feel as though you are. Make sure you spend time with the Lord every day. He will expose the schemes of the enemy and provide you with the weapons necessary for victory.

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Taking It A Step Further: God's Definition of Adultery



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One thing I’ve noticed in raising my kids—and in simply living my life—is that the way the world defines certain issues and topics is not the way that God defines them. For example, the dictionary defines adultery as: sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than his/her spouse. But God’s Word describes adultery somewhat differently from the dictionary. Taking it one step further, the Jewish Law of the Old Testament calls it: any unlawful sexual intercourse. This would include fornication (sex between unmarried people) as well.

But hold on, don’t stop there. In the New Testament, Jesus, when He was teaching His disciples one day, took the definition yet another step further:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:27-28)

Hmmm. So that means viewing pornography belongs in the definition of adultery, too. Well, that certainly puts a different spin on it. How would your son react if, when you're having one of those important talks with him about life issues, you explained to him that viewing pornography is committing adultery? And that all manner of infidelity (disloyalty, marital unfaithfulness) is the kind of life, King Solomon warned, that leads to death?

It's not just pictures. It is leading him to death.

Does your son know he has an enemy? Have you told him? Do you really understand this yourself?

Satan dresses up sin. He makes sin look attractive and enticing. As moms, we must help our boys understand that the world has targeted their sensual appetites, making everything easily available in order to satisfy them. As they grow into manhood, they have to learn how to access what is just as easily available to them as a child of God: self-control. It is when a man does not control himself that he succumbs to the sensual, and to death.
Death of a family.
Death of a dream.
Death by guilt.
Death by regrets.

Let’s pray together today that our sons won’t be fooled by death dressed up.
And if they are? Well, let's pray too that we will love them unconditionally, that we will not react in fear or anger, that we will do whatever we can to help them be overcomers, and that we will trust God to do the work that only He can do in their hearts.

Check back tomorrow for some real, practical strategies for helping our sons with living a pure life in today’s world. Ladies, we've got to do better than lecture...we've got to show them what it looks like, what it acts like, what it sounds like, and what it thinks like.

(Check out my Bible study for boys, Dig Deep: Unearthing the Treasures of Solomon's Proverbs. The Psalmist noted that the key to living a pure life was in studing God's precepts, or principles. Studying God's Word is life-changing!)



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Pure In Heart Conference 2010 -- TAMPA!

Do you live near the Tampa, FL, area?

Do you have a daughter between the ages of 7 - 12?

Do you want to be inspired, encouraged, and supported in your quest to help your daughter live a pure life in today's world?

Do you want the fellowship of hundreds of other moms--and even grandmoms--coming alongside you to raise up a godly generation of young women?

If so, the Pure In Heart Conference is for you! And I really mean, it's for YOU!

"If you want to help your tween (7-12 year-old-girl) stay morally pure, but feel inadequate for the task, Pure In Heart is for you! Bring your tween to this day-long conference and captivate her heart before the world does. Ignite a passion for purity in her as she explores her identity as a beloved daughter of the King!" (from the website!)

Check out the website, watch the videos there, and make plans to attend! You're in for an unforgettable weekend with your daughter!

Would you like to host a Pure In Heart Conference in your area? Contact Susan Henson by clicking HERE.




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Refocusing On Your Child's Gifts

Several years ago, after a disappointing baseball season, my son David, then ten, was thinking of giving up the sport he loved. We took a family trip to the Louisville Slugger Museum in Louisville, Kentucky, and spent an afternoon touring the bat factory and adjoining museum filled with memorabilia from Major League Baseball. Freshly inspired, David spent the off season that year training for the coming spring. He created a personal workout program and designed his own weight-training routine. After seeing what he could do and be, David recognized the losing season as a learning experience and resolved to practice more. His hard work paid off the following spring when he helped his team have a winning season and earn the championship.

So, how does a parent know when to allow a child to quit or back off, and when to step in and help a child to simply refocus his efforts? After all, for many children, music and dance lessons, along with participation in sports, have not been merely perceived as activities but as investments.

Mom's Tip of the Day #73

Ask God to show you your shy child’s strengths, and get to work on developing those hidden treasures.

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Mom's Tip of the Day #76

Children over twelve examine values. They are looking for truth, and they loathe hypocrisy—mainly because they see it so much in themselves and their friends. This is the season when everybody is trying to be who they are not.

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