Refocusing On Your Child's Gifts

Several years ago, after a disappointing baseball season, my son David, then ten, was thinking of giving up the sport he loved. We took a family trip to the Louisville Slugger Museum in Louisville, Kentucky, and spent an afternoon touring the bat factory and adjoining museum filled with memorabilia from Major League Baseball. Freshly inspired, David spent the off season that year training for the coming spring. He created a personal workout program and designed his own weight-training routine. After seeing what he could do and be, David recognized the losing season as a learning experience and resolved to practice more. His hard work paid off the following spring when he helped his team have a winning season and earn the championship.

So, how does a parent know when to allow a child to quit or back off, and when to step in and help a child to simply refocus his efforts? After all, for many children, music and dance lessons, along with participation in sports, have not been merely perceived as activities but as investments.

Protecting Your Child's Gifts

During that pivotal sixth-grade year, my study of piano was detoured when my family’s move. We had to find a new teacher, and it was not easy. I had been studying under the same instructor, my dear Mrs. Mosley, since I was five years old. She had me enrolled in music competitions and participating in seasonal recitals. Piano kept me quite busy and could have been a good outlet for me through the middle years. Instead, the challenges of a middle school mentality crept in.

Train Up A Child to Go With Her Gifts

When it comes to their gifts, children are not blank canvases on which we can paint the pictures we want to see. They are not empty hard drives that can be programmed to produce a desired result. They are born with certain talents, abilities, and personalities, hard-wired by their Creator. Ancient Jerusalem’s King Solomon, the writer of many Old Testament proverbs, once said, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it” (Proverbs 22:6, NIV). His words indicate that part of our job as parents is to help each child realize his own unique design and train him to go with it, not against it. If we want our children to lead focused lives that make the most of their God-given talents and abilities, we must be attentive to the clues that will help us diagnose our kids’ gifts and encourage their interests.

My friend Marla discovered her daughter Rebecca had a talent for dancing when she was just four years old. “I think God was in it from the very beginning,” she says.

She had taken Rebecca to a friend’s dance studio and allowed her to participate in a class. “From the first class, I could tell she was in her element. In the weeks that followed, I actually saw her face change when she entered the studio. She became determined, purposeful, and intent on learning.”

By the time she was ten, Rebecca knew that serving God through dance was what she wanted to do. Through middle school, Rebecca never wavered in her purpose. Instead, it carried her through those years, providing a focus and a framework to each day.

Ask yourself:

What does my child enjoy doing? (Be careful that it is not just something you enjoy.)
What does she enjoy watching others do? (Be careful that it is not just something you enjoy watching him do.)
Do I really know my child? (Be careful to become a student of your child.)

If you aren’t sure of the answers, then ask your child. Ask grandparents. Ask friends. Discovering your child's gifts often means mastering the art of investigation!




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Diminish Sibling Rivalry When You Celebrate Differences

Are you guilty of giving gifts to each sibling when it is only one child’s birthday? How about giving kids the same bedtimes? Or involving kids in the same activities? Dr. Kevin Leman says that sibling rivalry can be significantly diminished by ensuring that each child knows he holds a special, unique place in the family unit.

 

Celebrate differences. “What drives a kid away from sibling rivalry is allowing him to see that he is different, and embrace those differences,” he explains. It is okay to put into practice in your home that kids are treated differently. Age is a difference. Gender is a difference. Giftings and aptitudes are a difference.

“The state you live in will treat your kids differently,” notes Dr. Leman. “A 16-year-old gets to drive, a 14-year-old doesn’t. That’s life. And love is not diminished by this.”

 

Look for ways you can emphasize differences within your family. Where one is weak, another is strong. Even little things matter. At my house, the youngest has a knack for all things technological. He’s the one I call when I'm stuck, whether a computer freezes or I need to record a program on the DVR. Both my boys played baseball and basketball, but as they've gotten older, each has chosen to focus on the sport he was best suited for. God formed the family and populated it with people who are different. Celebrate that!

 

All posts in this Sibling Rivalry series:

• Get a Clue When It Comes to Sibling Rivalry
• Diminish Sibling Rivalry When You Celebrate Differences
• Sibling Rivalry Calls for a Love Connection
• Sibling Rivalry vs. The Love Dynamic

 

Mom's Tip of the Day #27

Do your children see you modeling a spirit of teachability as you work on developing your own gifts? There is always something new to learn!

Top Five Ways to Identify Your Child’s Gifts

Hey Everybody!

Children keep us guessing, don't they? When it comes to our middle schoolers, they can be particularly baffling! One way to help your child stay focused during these turbulent years is to keep her pointed toward the particular giftings and abilities that you see already there.

Be observant. When is your child happiest? When he is serving/helping others? When he is engaged in a particular activity? Become a student of your child and seek to know him well simply by paying attention to him.

Encourage interests. Often the very things that are happening in your child’s life right now are encouraging him toward God’s plan for him. For example, a trip to the emergency room gets your son interested in medicine. Buying a new home has your daughter considering interior design. My son Derek has discovered a passion for radio. What began as calling the deejay, Josh, to request songs and win contests turned into a mentoring friendship! Derek has been down to the radio station several times and Josh is teaching him how to run the board. He also gets airtime, introducing songs and making public service announcements. Now Derek is all over broadcasting! What are your kids interested in? Find out!

Understand differences. The Lord often pairs an outgoing mother with a shy child (and vice versa). Encourage that child with some behind-the-scenes roles, rather than constantly pushing her into uncomfortable situations. Watch her shine as you assure her of her value and importance.

Look for mentors. And pray for them! Ask God to lead you to people who can mentor your child and people who may recognize the giftings that you might not be aware of. Often the Lord speaks to us about our kids through the fresh voices of strangers.

Get ready to be surprised. Don’t be too quick to put your middler into a categorical box. God will reveal timely gifts and attributes; your child will develop new talents and acquire additional interests as he experiences life.

Have a great weekend, everybody!