Avoiding a Crumpled, Critical, Cliqued-Out Daughter

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Remember middle school? The cliques formed amazingly fast! Life morphed from playing with Barbie dolls to feeling pressured to look like one. Suddenly, a girl’s social status rests on her physical development and ability to attract the opposite sex. Even young girls can get hung up on outward beauty and feel compelled to pursue it, neglecting the makeover that needs to occur in their hearts.

At some point, we all long to be the prettiest girl in the room. But if a girl is only pretty on the outside, she is as one-dimensional as a model in a magazine ad: flat, lifeless, and easily crumpled. Makeup can conceal blemishes and braces can straighten teeth, but the only way to have a beautiful heart is to invite the Master of the Makeover, Jesus Christ, to do a work on the inside, where it counts.

The next several years are critical as you shield your daughter from the enemy’s lies and show your daughter who God says she is. Psalm 139 explains in beautiful language that she is fearfully and wonderfully made! She is one of a kind! God knows her story. His love does not balance on her appearance or her actions. It rests on the simple fact that He is the lover of her soul. She has managed to fascinate the Most High God without even knowing it!

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Hey Mom, did you know this is a truth that applies to you, too? And if you don't accept it, embracing it wholeheartedly, then she might not either.

If we can point our girls to the truth of God’s love for them, they will be transformed into a channel of His love. It will be natural for them to share His love with others, even those who are unkind and hurtful toward them. Christ’s love conquered death. It can conquer cliques, too.



Quick Tips:

• Avoid cliques by encouraging diverse friendships and group activities.
• Best friends are nearly essential at this age, but help your daughter keep her eyes and heart open to those girls who are consistently left out of the loop.
• Show your daughter, by example, an attitude of  "Others First."
• Pump up her self-esteem by affirming her with your positive words, listening ear, and open heart.
• Encourage her faith and remind her that she is a priceless treasure to the One who made her.

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Mean Tweens? Guide Your Daughter to Love Her Enemies

Growing up and learning how to relate to other women is not easy. Girls entering the middle school years find a social hierarchy established on the shaky ground of tender adolescence. These years have the power to lay the foundation for a lifetime of gossip, bitterness, and unforgiveness. For most tweens, it is easy to be critical rather than caring and fault-finding rather than forgiving, but these tendencies must be transformed through the cleansing power of God’s Word. That’s where you come in, Mom! Are you willing to set an example of a Christ-like approach to offenses? Believe me, it's quite easy to revert to the vengeance, feelings, and form of a hurt 12-year-old when it's your baby girl who's being mistreated! But we're called to a higher standard.

Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you (Matt. 5:44). With your guidance, your daughter can learn to pray for her enemies. Praying for one who is hurtful will not only release a spirit of forgiveness within the one who prays, but also, it will open the door to a supernatural understanding of the offender (which can even result in compassionate feelings toward that person!). Praying together now will lay the groundwork for approaching your daughter’s teen years as prayer partners.

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen (Ephesians 4:29). Gossip, teasing, name-calling, and sarcasm are standard fare for pre-teen conversation, whether it is up close and personal or anonymous via cyberbullying on email and blog sites. Your daughter can go against the flow by remembering this verse and using her speech to encourage her peers with truthful words that are kind and helpful.

Don’t show favoritism (James 2:1). Help your daughter avoid the trap of superficiality. Lead her to understand that friends should not be chosen based on how they dress or how attractive they are. She will miss out on some great friendships if she makes judgments based on first impressions.

At the Pure In Heart Conference, we discuss all these issues in breakout sessions with the girls. We're registering now for the upcoming conference in Tampa (early bird discounts apply!). If you're anywhere nearby, and you have a daughter, niece, or granddaughter between the ages of 7 and 12, won't you join us?

Check out the website for details!

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CYBERBULLYING: WHEN BULLYING GOES BEYOND THE SCHOOLYARD

Hey Everybody,

If you saw me on "Tennessee Mornings," you may have heard for the first time about Internet Bullying or "Cyberbullying." Bullying does not happen only at school. Unfortunately, for today's kids, technology has enabled bullying to exist 24/7. As parents, there are many things that we can do to help our kids tackle this problem successfully.

Get involved. If your kids are online, you should be, too. Whatever social networking site they prefer, get yourself an account and join them. Think of it like this: Many times parents drop their kids off at the mall and then leave. I'm not that kind of parent. With my middle school age kids, I always find something to do at the mall while my kids are there. I don't hang out with them the whole time, but I am present. Does that make sense? You don't just drop your kids off in cyberspace. Create an account and establish your own presence there, too.

Get legal. Many parents today are drawing up contracts that allow them to establish rules for their child's online behavior. This would include times that the child is allowed to be online, settings that must be in place, and calling on the child to "pledge" to maintain certain behaviors. Your contract can spell out exactly what you expect, including how to treat others with respect and dignity online.

Get real. As always, kids look at parents to model appropriate behavior online. How do they know what to expect and how to function without looking at us to see what we do? Never harrass or joke about other people online, whether it is a person you know personally or a celebrity, politician, or athlete that you are raking over the coals in a public forum. In spite of the plethora of screens surrounding our kids, they are watching us parents first.

Learning as I go,