Have You Lost Touch with Your Friends? Five Friendship Fixes

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How long has it been since you’ve gotten together with your girlfriends--just for mom time??

As a mom, time is in short supply and responsibilities abound. Investing time in relationships can seem almost frivolous when it comes at the premium price of time spent away from our families. But deep, authentic, Christ-centered friendships are blessings from God.

Through our friendships, we bear one another’s burdens.

We learn from each other.

We laugh with each other.

Make no mistake: True friendships are not cheap. They cost time and emotional resources. In return, the deep life connections that link you with other women will encourage you in your mothering, enabling you to be the best mom you can be.

In this season of mothering, do you feel like you’ve lost touch with your friends? Try one of these five fixes to reconnect.

1. Plan a girls’ night. Leave the dads in charge and go out for the evening just to talk. Find a restaurant that doesn’t mind if you monopolize a table, and be sure to leave your server a good tip!
2. Teleconference. Coordinate your children’s naptimes and then talk via telephone while the kids sleep. If you think you need to be doing something more constructive, fold the laundry or iron while you chat.
3. Care package. When my friend Sherry moved away, I missed her terribly. Knowing she was struggling to adjust to her new surroundings, I sent a care package that included some of her favorite things. I gained as much joy putting it together as she did in receiving it.
4. A weekend retreat. Wouldn’t it be fun to take a weekend trip with some friends you haven’t seen in a while? Keep it simple when you make sure travel time is under three hours.
5. Take a class. With a friend, sign up for a weekly class offered by your church or local community college. You’ll enjoy a scheduled, girl-time each week, and who knows? You might make some new friends, too!

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Talking About Girls, Friends, and Accountability

I'll be tackling several components of friendship at the Pure In Heart Conference in Tampa (ten days away!). One of those has to do with accountability. Below is an excerpt from my book, Season of Change: Parenting Your Middle Schooler with Passion and Purpose.

Accountability has become somewhat of a buzzword among Christians, especially among men’s and women’s small groups. If we are not careful, our children will get the impression that accountability is an adult thing, when it is really a Christian thing.

Accountability simply means to be held answerable for accomplishing a goal, completing a task, or even behaving in a certain way. In our Christian circles, it can mean that one is held responsible for the knowledge she has gained. For example, if your pastor preaches on tithing one Sunday morning, you are then accountable to act like a person who has learned about tithing. Having learned what God’s Word says about that financial principle, you are expected to act on it. As a Christian, you are accountable to apply those biblical truths to your life.

In the same way, our kids need to understand that in close Christian friendships, accountability has the right to ask questions:
Why did you do that?

Accountability has the permission to confront:
Dude, she is your sister! Don’t treat her that way!

Accountability has the privilege to probe:
Why don’t you like playing with your little brother? He just wants to hang around us.

Accountability in a friendship must exist to tackle the hard questions as both people are called higher in relationship with Christ.

As children grow into middlers, they will be approaching their friends more and more with their various problems and life issues. This doesn’t mean that they won’t be coming to you, Mom! It just means they will also be turning to their friends. They need to be choosing friends who can provide them with trustworthy counsel and good, solid advice.

Season of Change: Parenting Your Middle Schooler with Passion and Purpose (2008, Tate Publishing) is available as a book, e-book, audio book, and on Kindle. Click HERE for all your purchase options!


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Mom's Tip of the Day #131

Commit to building relationships with a few women who are devoted to Christ. Share your weaknesses and be strengthened by the prayerful, emotional support women friends can provide.

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Human Resources Are Key For Homeschooling

Every homeschooling mom needs several key people she feels comfortable calling on when the going gets tough.

You've got your curriculum, consumables, and manipulatives. Books line the shelves, and your supply drawer is stocked. So far, your year is going along smoothly. But could it be your homeschooling toolbox lacks the most valued resource of all, human resources?

A veteran homeschool mom. When my first baby was born, my husband and I lived eight hours away from our moms. I needed mom mentors who had been through the baby years and come out safely on the other side! I sought these moms in my church and quickly connected with a gal who had three kids under nine years old. I figured with three kids, she had probably experienced anything I would be going through with my little one, and I was right! From mastitis to milk allergies, she always had the answer when I called.

A veteran homeschool mom is one who has been through the tough times of fielding grandparents' questions and the stares of nosy neighbors. She has survived phonics, the phoenix, and sesquipedalophobia (uhm...hello? Fear of long words! LOL). She can handle your occasional freak-outs because she has been there. She made it--you will too.

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A mom like you. I've talked quite a bit on this blog about my friend Sandy, and I'm sure some of you feel as if you know her (and some of you do! LOL). But it has made all the difference in the world to have a friend right here on the journey with me. There is no one who understands you like another homeschool mom. She knows what it's like! She knows what you do all day, and she knows why you do it. While there's no doubt that cyber friends are great, the fact remains that you need to connect personally--with a real, face-to-face support group of homeschooling moms who can actually look in your eyes, hug your neck, and sit across a table from you. And your kids need their kids.

A team of community advisors. Check out this list:

• The public librarian. Public libraries know homeschoolers well these days! Connect with a local librarian and get the help you need to pull together enrichment supplies for your studies.
• Your pastor. When my family announced plans to homeschool, we were considered radical by the sweet church we attended who had never really known anything about homeschooling. There were lots of questions, and even some "tsk-tsk's" from well-meaning folks who thought we were "cheating" our children, LOL. One Sunday, our pastor was using a sermon illustration from the life of Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor. He paused and mentioned that O'Connor was homeschooled during the early years of her education, looking in the direction of my husband and me with a smile. In doing that, that precious man put his stamp of approval on our choice. Very cool.
• School teachers. There are a lot of school teachers, both public and private, who will serve as great resources for you. I certainly learned that when Danya and I were wading through Latin. Having a few teacher friends also helped when we headed toward senior year and college entrance exams and all the mind-boggling stuff that goes with that.
• Grandparents. From coaching baseball to teaching languages and economics, my kids' grandparents have been very involved and so supportive of our decision to homeschool. I've been so grateful for their support, from the first day to graduation day!

Human resources are key in all of life, but especially in homeschooling! Take care to prayerfully seek out those who would encourage, inspire, and support you in your desire to successfully do that thing you do: teach your children at home.

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This post has been submitted to Helpful Homeschool Hints.

Let There Be Light at the Family Table!

New to Mom Seriously? Welcome! You'll find tons of great parenting articles, homeschooling encouragement, and every day, a Mom's Tip of the Day. Enjoy!

When we moved into our home several years ago, I was excited to finally have a dining room! For years we had a roomy, eat-in kitchen, which was great, but I was raised in a home with a dining room, by a mom who knew what to do with one! So there was excitement, but there was also a little intimidation. My dining room has a big, beautiful, gold chandelier, and when I saw it, I just thought, "That's not me." And it's really not, to this day, it's not. So while we still eat dinner in there, my chandelier was something I occasionally dusted off (when it got really gross, LOL) and otherwise tried not to think about. I thought about selling it, replacing it, painting it, but being the procrastinator that I am, and having way more important things to think about, I never got around to it! My family likes to eat in the dining room, and they are not nearly so picky as I am about how it looks. So we're good. :)


Trying on "Festive Shimmer in
Crimson Red"

ChandiCharms, however, have breathed new life into my 30+ year old chandi! It looks so adorable now decorated for fall (see the picture here), and it just looks more friendly. I actually like it now! And when we were eating together last Saturday night, all the kids commented on the pumpkins. It's true: people notice the details; they really do. And when it comes to loving on my family, and spending time together at that all-important family table, I want them to know that I care about the details--that it is important to me to do those little things for them that make a big difference. (After the pumpkins, I may go with the red for Christmas! So pretty!) Check out the tips below from my friend and the creator of ChandiCharms, Cherie Drennan.

GENEROUS LIGHTING FOR YOUR DINING ROOM:

1. Don't pick a chandelier that's too small! Cherie recommends you choose a chandi that is at least one-half the width of your table, but do not go over the full width of your table.
2. You need more than one source of light in your dining room. "Don't count on your chandelier as your only light source," Cherie advises. "Wall sconces, candles, and lamps can be used effectively as additional sources of light in the room." Cherie also recommends a dimmer switch for your chandelier. (My 16 yo son has assured me those are not difficult to install, so we will be looking into that!)
3. Hang your chandi between 30"-36" off the table. "Lighting affects the atmosphere at the family table," Cherie notes. "The family table is all about conversation, so you need the main light to be just high enough so that it is not casting shadows or causing an annoying glare."

GIVEAWAY: You can still enter for a chance to win a set of three Harvest Pumpkin ChandiCharms! Go HERE to leave your comment and enter by midnight tonight, Tuesday, October 26!

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GIVEAWAY! Celebrating Fall and Family with ChandiCharms

New to Mom Seriously? Welcome! You'll find tons of great parenting articles, homeschooling encouragement, and every day, a Mom's Tip of the Day. Enjoy!

**THIS GIVEAWAY IS NOW CLOSED**

 Now THIS is a great giveaway! :)

Cherie Drennan

My friend Cherie Drennan is a mom of five, a lighting designer, an entrepreneur, and an inventor--and I am thrilled to say that as I have watched both her family and her business grow, I've watched her faith grow right along too, in perfect sync with what God has choreographed for her life. So I'm excited today to introduce you to her, and hopefully to inspire you--wherever you are in your own journey!

It was while renovating her home (a farmhouse built in 1860) several years ago that Cherie’s interest in lighting began. When she tackled the job of restoring the dining room’s antique chandelier (including teaching herself to rewire it!), what began as a pastime grew into a passion. Soon there were chandeliers in every room of the farmhouse, all custom-designed by Cherie! Quite naturally, a home-based business was born, because Cherie says, "There was no way I was going to give up raising my children, and I didn't have to. When I took my business online, all the advantages of a global market became mine."

Today, Cherie has branched out from custom-designed chandeliers to the creation of ChandiCharms (patent pending): "removable, interchangeable charms [that] slip on in the time it takes to change a light bulb, accessorizing chandeliers and wall sconces with new depth, added dimension, and vibrant definition" (from the website).

Cherie is outfitting my dining room chandelier with these gorgeous
Harvest Pumpkin ChandiCharms! Welcome, Fall!

With 19 styles, Cherie found a way to give homeowners the power to design their own chandeliers by customizing them with gorgeous charms and ornaments--no rewiring, sanding, or painting necessary. Just like you change your tabletop with dishes and fabrics, now you can accessorize your chandelier!

Cherie has learned that motherhood and business can co-exist. But it took a while. “For so many years when I worked,” she explains, “I wanted to stay at home. While I was home, though, I still had a yearning to start a business.” She struggled with feeling guilty, believing that being a mom should be enough. “I told myself I shouldn’t want to do anything else,” she admits. “I felt so guilty about it, but after lots of prayer, I realized that God made me this way! God didn’t make us all to do the same thing. Even a stay-at-home mom can do other things.” Fortunately for Cherie and any other mom who feels called to work at a job alongside being a mom, the possibilities for working from home are limitless.

I love this Fleur-de-lis design!

“Beautiful lighting is like artwork for your ceiling,” says Cherie. “With ChandiCharms, anyone can upgrade, redesign, and recreate a chandelier. It totally transforms the look and feel of your home.”

Now, wouldn't you like to win some ChandiCharms?

In celebration of this season of fall, faith, family, and friends, I'm giving away a set of three Harvest Pumpkin ChandiCharms™ (retail value: $39.99)! These are so adorable for fall--I'm keeping mine on my chandelier all the way through Thanksgiving! ChandiCharms also fit candles and wall sconces (below)! So cute!

See how cute they are on candlesticks? Enter for your chance to win!

How do you ENTER?  Leave a comment on this post, and provide your email or link back to your blog so that I have a way to notify you. This contest runs through midnight Tuesday, October 26!

Be sure to browse Cherie's website, and "Like" her ChandiCharms FB page, which she just set up. :) Check back here tomorrow to learn more about Cherie, plus a few smart lighting tips and tricks!

Read more:

Let There Be Light at The Family Table



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My Giveaway Guidelines are HERE.

Along for the Journey: Trusted Friends

My friend Sandy can take a big, bad, everything-went-wrong day and quickly put it in perspective. And after 15 years of homeschooling together, believe me, we've been through a lot of those days! I remember once in particular, several years ago, when we had taken our kids for some recreation time at the gym. It had been a horrible day, and I was feeling like the worst mom in the world. Taking a deep breath, I quietly confessed to Sandy, “I threw a fit today--lost my temper, raised my voice, the works.”

“I’ve had days like that,” Sandy replied ruefully. What a relief to know I could be real about my struggles as a parent and not face criticism or judgment from my friend! Instead, Sandy helped me sort through my frustration and turn the experience into one from which I could learn. How did we get to this safe place in our friendship? Well, it certainly didn’t happen overnight. Our relationship began as mere acquaintances and morphed into trusted friends when we began sharing our fears, disappointments, and also victories with one another. Getting together with our kids in tow, as well as spending the occasional evening out for girl talk, offered opportunities for a unique transparency to develop between us, allowing us to shed the “supermom” image that seems to be expected, and just be ourselves.

The book of James invites us to “confess our sins to one another.” It’s easy to believe you are the only mother who struggles with anger, laziness, or jealousy. After all, other moms make parenting look so easy! When we open up to a reliable confidant, however, we will find our experiences are universal (I Corinthians 10:13) and much easier to manage with a friend.

Mothering is a journey wrought with blessings, yes, but also a certain measure of stress, frustration, and difficulty. Do you have a trusted friend? Who is holding you accountable? And who is standing faithfully by your side? If you think of someone right away, praise the Lord for that blessing of friendship. And if you don't have a special friend, ask the Lord to provide you with one. Then keep your eyes open, and trust Him to do so!


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Mom's Tip of the Day #53

Learn your way around social networking sites and set up your own account. This is a great way to connect with your kids and their friends.

Mom's Tip of the Day #99

Pray for your child to be the right kind of friend. Remind him that as Christians, we best express our faith through our love for others.

Mom's Tip of the Day #52

Friends are the lifeblood of adolescence. Get to know your children’s friends and you will get to know your changing child.