Dr Lois Evans: "Invest in Your Kids"

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One thing that makes my interview with Priscilla Shirer really special is that several years ago, I got to interview her mom, Dr. Lois Evans (wife of Dr. Tony Evans), author of  Seasons of a Woman's Life. She shared with me her thoughts on motherhood, after having raised four kids and seeing them walk successfully in their relationships with God. There was so much wisdom in what she told me, and today, I want to share with you some of my notes from that interview.

"It is important to begin training your children early in establishing a daily devotional time. Use age-appropriate material. Start with an easy reader Bible, or even a Bible book of just pictures. Read to them. Talk to them. Sit with your kids around the table and teach them God’s Word. Eventually move them up to the next level of reading. Find Bible story books that you can share together. Once they have listened to a story, have them tell the story back to you. Integrate in their systems their need to be in God’s Word. For older children, start in the book of John. Tell them stories of God’s goodness in the lives of His people. You can even include your children in your devotional life. Start with one day a week, and move up from there. It is never too late to invest in your kids.

I realize child-rearing and the formative years seem long. It seems like you will never get out of this season in life, but you will. Today I am looking at my kids who are all in ministry. I was not a perfect parent—who is? We’ve got lots of stories of imperfection. But I’m grateful that I took the advice of people in my life and invested in this hard work, yes, in this long season of mothering."

Looking for Bible studies to help your middle schooler establish a daily quiet time? Check out Wise Up! and Get Real! for girls and Dig Deep for guys.


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Mom's Tip of the Day #177

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Grandparents have earned their title from a lifetime of living. Don’t be too proud to accept their wisdom, expertise, and love.

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Mom's Tip of the Day #175

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Lead your children to pursue forgiveness when they are convicted of sin. Compare sin to weeds and explain that if left unchecked, the weeds of wrong thoughts, habits, attitudes, and actions will choke out the healthy growth that God longs for us to enjoy.

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Mom's Tip of the Day #170

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Don’t let your desire for changed behavior usurp your desire for a changed heart. Once you take care of the heart problem, the behavior will take care of itself.

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Mom's Tip of the Day #169

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If you are not in the habit of requiring immediate obedience from your child, then your child will not be in the habit of responding to you (and ultimately, to the Lord) with immediate obedience.

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Mom's Tip of the Day #138

You have a wonderful mother’s instinct that was created within you when you gave birth to your child. You know, deep down, what is best for your baby. And when you don’t know, just ask the Lord. He’ll provide wise counsel…

~From Baby Boot Camp: Basic Training for the First Six Weeks of Motherhood

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Hey Mom! You're Setting the Pace This Christmas!

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“What do you want for Christmas, Isaiah?” I asked my six-year-old neighbor. I was anticipating his reply of action figures or the latest video games when his answer caught me by surprise. “I just want my family to be together again.” Isaiah’s dad was hospitalized, battling cancer. The situation, however, had given Isaiah something most children his age don’t have: a right perspective on what’s really important.

Every Christmas, Christian families struggle in a culture overcome with materialism. How do we teach our children the worth of a true, lasting gift versus the temporary thrill a mere toy or game provides? Have a Christmas season family meeting and walk through these steps:

Gather around the kitchen table and spend some time defining the true meaning of Christmas.
After everyone offers his/her perspective, express the ideas as a vision statement. (Word it simply for younger children.)
Lead older children look up Scriptures that summarize the significance of Christ’s birth. Try these (All Scriptures are from the NLT):

• Yes, the Lord has done amazing things for us! What joy! (Psalm 126:3).
• For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. The government will rest on his shoulders. And he will be called: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6).
• All right then, the Lord himself will give you the sign. Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son and will call him Immanuel (which means ‘God is with us’) (Isaiah 7:14).
• Then the glory of the Lord will be revealed, and all people will see it together. The Lord has spoken! (Isaiah 40:5).
• …but the angel reassured them. “Don’t be afraid!” he said. “I bring you good news that will bring great joy to all people. The Savior—yes, the Messiah, the Lord—has been born today in Bethlehem, the city of David! (Luke 2:10-11).
• Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, “I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life” (John 8:12 ).

Write these on pieces of poster board, decorating with Christmas colors and craft media like stickers, glitter, and ribbon. Display the messages in prominent places in your home, or rotate one each week of Advent, serving as gentle reminders during the holidays of the true reason for the season. Together, you may even choose to memorize one of these verses each week. Meditate on it throughout the busy days.

As moms, we set the pace for our families. Hectic holiday schedules along with the pressure of our shopping lists can quickly zap us of our strength and energy. We can easily lose our perspective on what is really important. This Christmas, bring your family together and resolve to focus on Christ, getting utterly wrapped up in His presence of love and peace.

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THE SANTA SERIES: Age-Appropriate Tips for Emphasizing Christ This Christmas (Part Four)

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A friend of mine has one Christmas memory that she would rather erase from her mind. It's the Christmas morning that her ten-year-old daughter found the Wal-Mart receipt for all the gifts that she and her brother had just opened. Shocked and dismayed, the girl came completely unhinged, embarking on a crying jag that would last the entire day. "Do you know how stupid I am?" she wailed through her sobs. "You bought all the presents! You did it! All year I have been telling my friends that you would never lie to me! I'm the only one in my class who still believed, and I'm the one who is really stupid!"

The broken trust between this mom and daughter would take many months to repair. "I should have done things differently," my friend says. "I just made too big a deal out of wanting her to keep believing."

Whatever age your child is, the best approach for the Christmas season is to emphasize the birth of the Savior. Child and Family Specialist, author Richard Patterson, Jr. (connect online at confidentparenting.com), offers these tips for keeping the focus on Christ.

Pre-Schoolers: “Ignore Santa and major in Jesus,” advises Patterson. He advises parents to deal with the Santa factor only when necessary and then as little as possible. Instead, capitalize on a young child’s love for birthday parties. Have a birthday party for Jesus, and do it up right, with cake, streamers, balloons, the works! Let the children participate by planning the party games and food and inviting their friends.

Years ago, when our preschool-age children began asking us questions about Santa, we responded simply with, "Santa Claus is a game that some people like to play at Christmas." Then we would redirect their focus to the real story of Christ's birth.

K-3: While Patterson advises taking much the same approach with the early grades, he encourages parents to begin the "non-confrontational" approach of asking gentle questions to help children discover for themselves that Santa is pretend (and Jesus is real).

As our children got a little older, we were careful to remind them that while we knew Santa wasn't real, there were some parents who wanted their children to believe in him. Therefore, it was those parents' responsibility to one day tell their children the truth--not anyone else's! (This brought up a lot of interesting questions and conversations with our kids!)

4th-6th: As children head toward the middle school years, most will have begun to suspect (or been told by friends--but hopefully not by my kids LOL!) that Santa is pretend. They may enjoy continuing to pretend about Santa because it may still be fun (or because they think they will not receive any gifts if they don’t act like they “believe”). These older children can be encouraged to give of themselves this season, making true sacrifices of their time and talents:

• helping in soup kitchens and thrift stores
• helping an elderly neighbor decorate her home
• baking cookies or crafting gifts for the special people in his life
• making read-aloud book recordings for younger sibs or cousins to enjoy
• conducting a neighborhood penny drive for a help center or special church offering
• memorizing Luke 2:1-21 to share with the family on Christmas Day

Read all the posts in The Santa Series:
What Are You Going To Do With Santa Claus? (Part One)
Tempted To Use Santa As Your Disciplining Tool? (Part Two)
A Works Oriented Myth (Part Three)
Age-Appropriate Tips for Emphasizing Christ this Christmas (Part Four)

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Mom's Tip of the Day #145

Give your child your immediate attention when he is guilty of wrongdoing. A parent must be willing to grab those inconvenient moments of childish disobedience and turn them into teaching opportunities.

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Mom's Tip of the Day #113

Children can learn to pick up their toys, unload the dishwasher, and make their beds. It takes time to teach them, but it is worth it.

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Mom's Tip of the Day #107

You can avoid comparing your children yet still rejoice in their unique gifts and talents. They might all be musically gifted, but do they have to play the same instrument? Encourage the development of different skills so that comparison and competition don’t become an issue.

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Mom's Tip of the Day #128

Listening is the most underestimated part of communication. Listen to your child when he/she wants to talk, even if it is not the best time for you.

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Let Go and Delegate!

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You can't do everything. And why would you want to?  Check out these tips for delegating a few of your household responsibilities!

Children can learn to pick up their toys, unload the dishwasher, and make their beds. It takes some time to teach them, but it is worth it. These household skills are equally important to their home education as the three “R’s.” And no, they won’t do a perfect job, but your praise and gratitude will go a long way in motivating them to continue helping you. Eventually they grow up, and they grow into their chores. Are you willing to teach them how to play their positions, or do you want to keep them on the bench?

Often, husbands want to help. Really, most men don’t mind helping: what bothers them is our criticism when they don’t do things the way we would. (Did you catch that? LOL) How often are you guilty of griping about your hubby's housekeeping technique, rather than just appreciating his effort and the heart behind it? ) Is there really only one way to load a dishwasher? Or one way to fold a load of towels? Let your spouse put his personal touch on a few things around the house.

Learn to say no. Try saying “no” the next time someone asks you to do something that you simply don’t have time to do, or that you don’t really want to do. Establish your priorities, and play your position. This is the only way to ensure that others have the opportunity to play theirs!

Ultimately, our families are dependent on one Person—but it’s not you, Mom! No, in fact, each family unit was created and established by God to revolve around the service and glorification of His Son. We are dependent upon Jesus, no matter what position we play! Yet, unbelievably, when I’m looking at my to-do list, my children’s practice schedules, the piles of laundry, and my sheer inadequacy when it comes to the mammoth task of mothering, I often still attempt to make the play. I may, in my pride and my need to control, begin to yell, “I got it!” What foolishness! I have only to catch a glimpse of my heavenly Father, who parents me daily. Immediately, I see that He can handle things more easily and effectively than I can, and my words revert to a heartfelt cry as I return to my position, calling, “You! You! You!”

What are you trying to control today?



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Mom's Tip of the Day #105

Sibling rivalry exists when a child perceives that there is someone who threatens to take his place within the family. Parents must strive to recognize each child’s individual position, plan, and purpose.

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Practical Tips for Surviving the Afternoon Crunch!

While you prepare dinner, keep the kids close by with these fun family activities for all ages, and be prepared to enjoy some quality conversations. You can rotate these ideas for a regular weekly or bi-weekly schedule.

Make A Mural. Take a piece of butcher block paper and spread it across the kitchen table or on the kitchen floor. Write a Bible verse across the top of the mural that will dictate the theme: “Jesus went about doing good,” “Give thanks,” or “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.” If you choose to make this a weekly activity, mix it up a little by varying your art media. Choose from stickers, stamps, markers, crayons, colored pencils, and glitter pens. Encourage little ones to take turns and share the art supplies. Ask your older ones to enjoy this activity with their younger sibs. Hang the finished mural for everyone to enjoy, or leave it on the table to serve as the evening's tablecloth.

Letters and cards. Your children can invest some time in writing letters to long-distance loved ones and making cards for homebound church members who could use a lift. Younger children can draw pictures and older kids can work on their communication skills. This is a great way to cultivate the lost art of the handwritten note.

Tents. Set aside an afternoon for little ones to play with makeshift tents. It seems like a big mess, but it just takes a few minutes to clean up. Give your crew the blankets and sheets they need to drape over some chairs, and let them play with books, flashlights, and card games inside. Once you’ve got dinner in the oven, join them for some play time.

Bowling. Set up an indoor bowling alley. Use empty soda cans, chip cans, paper or plastic cups, and a nerf ball for safe indoor play.

Play with your food. With world hunger at an all-time high, I don’t recommend any kind of food crafts unless you are actually going to eat the food once you’ve finished playing with it. That said, threading circle-shaped cereal on a piece of yarn for a necklace is a quiet tabletop activity. Building houses out of graham crackers and peanut butter is edible fun. Using prepared sugar cookie dough and a set of cookie cutters puts the kids to work making dessert.


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Mom's Tip of the Day #112

Most men don’t mind helping out around the house. What bothers them is our criticism when they don’t do things the way we would.

 

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Mom's Tip of the Day #102

The family table is not just about celebrating major events. It is a place to rejoice over the smallest daily victories as well.

 

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Mom's Tip of the Day #81

Keep in mind: Your children have inherited the sin nature of Adam. They are not perfect and never will be. (Despite what their grandparents might think! LOL)

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Mom's Tip of the Day #95

Boys think pornography is harmless. They have to be convinced and convicted that it is wrong and has damaging effects.

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Mom's Tip of the Day #96

Mom, understand how your adolescent son is wired and the battle he faces every day. Support him prayerfully and practically in his every effort to stand strong against our sexually-charged culture.

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