Weekly Wrap-Up: The Truth about Hookah

Let me begin by saying that I'm sure this will be the only Weekly Wrap-Up that mentions hookah smoking.

Photo courtesy: Rebecca Poole Images

 Soooo....here's the story: Last weekend I was relaxing at the coffee shop where my daughter's band sometimes plays and previews new material. There were a lot of people there who had come specifically to see DANYA, including my niece who, as the latest member of Nashville's music paparazzi, came armed with her hot pink Barbie camera! Friday is always open mic night at this place and it's a magnet for young people, so it is a pretty "happening" nightspot. It is obvious if you are over 30 that you must be someone's parent, or else it must be your first time there and you won't be coming back now that you know it is really not your crowd...LOL

DANYA is (L -R): Danya Powell, Mat Poole, Asa Wiggins, Matt Morris
(Photo courtesy: Rebecca Poole Images)

So my sister-in-law, Karla, had invited a friend, and they had both brought their little girls (8-year-olds) who had seen the band before and are big fans. :) With our smoothies, milkshakes, and coffees ordered, we were chatting amiably when someone said, "What is that smell?" And then a server strolled past our table to the one next to us with a hookah pipe in hand. (It looks just like a bong.) And one of the moms said, "And what is that?"

Photo courtesy:
shishapipe.com

Just so you know, seating is at a premium in this place, so the table next to us was literally a couple of inches away. Well, good grief--I was really embarrassed and not prepared for this. Hookahs are a recent addition to this coffee place, and I had not really noticed it before because they were smoking outside. With the colder weather, however, they were smoking hookah inside. I had not mentioned to Karla that it would be something she would have to deal with and be prepared for because I was not aware. Anything pretty and shiny immediately attracts the attention of 8-year-old girls (ok, yeah, any-year-old girls!), and we were doing some fancy footwork to explain to the kids that it was wrong, harmful, etc., while I was also explaining to the moms just what it was. Since I've just learned about hookahs recently, let me fill you in with this info from tobaccofreeu.org.

What is a Hookah and Shisha?

• A hookah is a water pipe used to smoke tobacco through cooled water. The tobacco is heated in the bowl at the top of the hookah and the smoke is filtered through the water in the base of the hookah.
• Alternate names for hookahs include: water pipe, goza, hubble-bubble, borry, arhile, and narghile.
• Shisha is the tobacco smoked in a hookah. It is a very moist and sticky tobacco that has been soaked in honey or molasses.
• There are a variety of shisha flavors including apple, plum, coconut, mango, mint, and strawberry.

It's weird, it's different, it's sort of mystical. For teenagers, it definitely has the rebellious "cool factor" that many are seeking. I shouldn't have been too surprised when I saw some of my former writing students (homeschoolers) over in the corner of this establishment puffing away. And here's what the kids are saying about it:

It's not really smoking.

It's a water-base, and way more filtered than regular cigarettes, so it's not unhealthy.

It's okay--it's not addictive.

Don't worry, there's no secondhand smoke effects.

Well, I'm not sure where they got their information, er, misinformation, but I came home and started doing some research. All of the above statements, er, misstatements, are refuted with cold hard facts at tobaccofreeu.org. And here's more info from that site:

Quick Facts
Compared to a single cigarette, hookah smoke is known to contain:

• Higher levels of arsenic, lead, and nickel1
• 36 times more tar
• 15 times more carbon monoxide

Smoking a hookah requires taking longer and harder drags, increasing levels of inhaled nicotine and carcinogens in the lungs. The longer the hookah session, the more nicotine and toxins one takes in.
A 45 to 60 minute hookah session exposes the smoker to approximately the same amount of tar and nicotine as one pack of cigarettes.
Sharing mouthpieces (gross!) without washing them can increase the risk of spreading colds, flu,and infections—even oral herpes.
Health risks of smoking hookahs include cancer, heart disease, lung damage, and dental disease.
Do not think that if you are just visiting a hookah bar, that you are in the clear. There are still high levels of damaging secondhand smoke to all who are present.

Don't be misled and don't be uninformed about what is making headway and becoming trendy with our teens. Arm yourself with the facts, because evidently, hookah has some pretty good word-of-mouth going for it with the rumors abounding of it not being as "bad" as cigarettes.

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After The Talk, Sex Should Be An Ongoing Conversation

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When my kids were just toddlers, I received some great advice from an older mom. She said, “You want to be the first one to tell your children about sex. Then, everything else they hear will be measured against what you said.” My husband had that initial, biological, let’s-define-these-terms talk with each of our boys, and I talked with our daughter. We understood that when Mom or Dad is the first place a child learns about sex, it makes that parent an expert on the subject. It also makes that parent a safe place to go with questions. You see, after The Talk, sex should be an ongoing conversation.

It is ironic that the very facts of life are what seem to interrupt the way our kids live it! Hormones come barging in like an unexpected detour. Suddenly the well-worn path of childhood becomes a super highway of never-ending construction work! One evening a girl puts a tooth under her pillow for the tooth fairy to whisk away. The next morning, she starts her menstrual cycle! A boy who finally figures out his choir solo one week cannot even stay on pitch the next. The physical changes and emotional challenges that confront our kids come at lightning speed. How will they figure it all out?

You are the tour guide. A few years ago, my husband and I were planning a trip to New York City. I was excited about it, but as the date of departure drew closer, I began to panic. We had never been to a really big city. The fear of the unknown was overwhelming to me. How would we figure it all out? Then I remembered that I had a friend from college, Keith, who lived in Manhattan. A quick call was all it took and we had our own personal tour guide! Keith showed us the town—his town! The subways were a cinch to navigate with a seasoned New Yorker at our side. Hailing a cab was a breeze! As a transplanted Tennessean, Keith shared some insider information about New York’s culture and people. (He also acted as translator for all the folks who couldn't understand our southern accents!) Having adjusted well to the big city, he wanted us to see all the things he loved about it.

When it comes to Planet Growing-Up, the fear of the unknown can be overwhelming to your child. Yet you have been there; you know your way around.  Now it's time for you to act as tour guide (and translator!). You can help her feel comfortable in a changing body and a developing mind. You can share information about the people and the culture in this new adult world. Don’t you want her to see all the things you love about it?

Check out my book, Season of Change: Parenting Your Middle Schooler with Passion and Purpose loaded with tips and tools for leading your child through the awkward stages of growing up!




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Mom's Tip of the Day #96

Mom, understand how your adolescent son is wired and the battle he faces every day. Support him prayerfully and practically in his every effort to stand strong against our sexually-charged culture.

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Porn & Purity Articles

All the Porn and Purity articles are archived here, providing insight and information for the questions and concerns you might be having regarding this issue. It is my prayer you will find these articles helpful as you try to direct your children away from the ever-present pornography in our culture, and toward a desire for a pure, undivided heart and life lived for God's glory. Just click on the title, and you'll go directly to the article.

One Mom's Story: Clicking on Ads Led to My Son's Porn Addiction

Porn, The Secret Cancer: A Mom Seriously Interview with Youth Pastor/Speaker Troy Perry

From Porn Addict to Kiss-Saver: Part Two of the Mom Seriously Interview with Youth Pastor/Speaker Troy Perry

Moms and Porn: Time for a Heart Check
Practical Tips for Guarding Our Sons Against Porn

After "The Talk," Sex Should Be An Ongoing Conversation

MnM's and A Battle Plan for Purity

Purity: Where Do I Start?

Understanding the Culture You Confront

Purity's Front Lines

Why Should We Live a Lifestyle of Purity?

Taking It A Step Further: God's Definition of Adultery

Early Puberty Has Spiritual Implications (This link will take you directly to a BP article written by Erin Roach, for which I was interviewed.)

Upcoming articles include real-life stories from moms who have dealt with porn in their homes.

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Today on Tennessee Mornings: What do you say to your kids when their role models take a fall?

If you're visiting my site today because you saw my segment on Tennessee Mornings, welcome!

When celebrities that our kids are well-acquainted with, like Lindsay Lohan of the great family features like "The Parent Trap," "Freaky Friday," and "Herbie," take a moral fall, we can use the opportunity to talk to our kids about some valuable life lessons. Before you start talking, however, be sure that you are ready to be a good listener who respects your child's thoughts and opinions. You're not going after a time of lecture; you are aiming for a dialogue and an opportunity to have a conversation with your child that takes your relationship deeper.

Ask, What happened to Lindsay? Open up the dialogue by finding out what your child knows or doesn’t know about what’s happened. Summarize the issue briefly: Lindsay abused drugs and alcohol. She got in trouble and was given a certain punishment or set of boundaries by which she had to abide. She continued to make bad choices by ignoring what a judge told her to do and dismissing her punishment. So now, she is going to jail. Remember: It’s critical that you give your child time to talk. Give her room to process the information. Let her talk without thinking about what you’re going to say next, because if you do that, you miss everything she's saying. (And I’ve been so guilty of doing that as a parent—that’s something that I really have to watch about myself.)

How do we turn these current events into a platform for sharing life lessons with our kids when we begin talking? Use this simple acronym: ROLE.

R—Real-Life Choices

O—Owning Your Behavior

L—Living with Consequences

E—Emulating Good Mentors





Have you got a child in middle school? Check out my book, Season of Change: Parenting Your Child with Passion and Purpose. Order today and get free shipping!

Do I Tell My Kids about My Abortion?

I'm wrapping up this week's posts with a question that women often ask: Do I tell my kids about my abortion?

• All of us have a past.
• All of us have regrets.
• All of us have things that we wish we had done differently.

And, truthfully, all of us have things that we are trying to teach our children from the perspective of, "Learn from my mistakes." When it comes to abortion, however, what should a mom do? Should she tell her kids? Should she be open about it? And when? How?

I asked my friend Timm Glover, an LCPT, about this one. He believes that such information is not appropriate for children, and it should remain within a mom’s own life and privacy.

“Perhaps when children are older; in that adult-to-adult relationship with her grown children, it might be something that, with wisdom and discretion, could be shared,” he says, adding that a mother could use her experience (with older children) in trying to address an important moral or spiritual dilemma or truth. “This information must be guided by a clear understanding of the goals and reasoning for sharing, along with the developmental stage of the child,” he says. “Take an honest look at whose needs are being met in this sharing.” Whatever you do, cover it with prayer!

Today’s moms must make every effort to raise the next generation as ardent supporters of life. Perhaps in the past you supported the pro-choice movement, held a friend’s hand through her experience, or had an abortion yourself, but today you understand the truth and you regret those choices. Do not let the enemy keep you from taking a stand. Do not let him dissuade you from passionately teaching your children what God says about life.

You can play a major part in educating your children by arming them with the truth. No matter what your past looks like, you have every right to expose the lies of our culture and point your children to the unchanging truth of God’s Word. Don't let the enemy make you cower under your regrets! Remember, the Lord wastes nothing. He is the Redeemer. There is nothing broken that He cannot put back together.

 

Want to check out some great resources?

 

Life Interrupted by Tricia Goyer
Forgiven and Set Free: A Post-Abortion Bible Study for Women by Linda Cochrane
And for little ones: Horton Hears a Who by Dr. Seuss (One of my favorites! This book plants the seed for toddlers and preschoolers to remember, “A person’s a person, no matter how small.”)

 

POSTS IN THIS SERIES

One Story: Some twenty-five years ago, one of my best friends found out she was pregnant. And she didn't want to tell her parents....(Read more)

Five Steps of Faith and Forgiveness: You may be grieving over a past abortion, or you might be bound by another sin from your past—an addiction, an affair, or a criminal charge. You understand that God has forgiven you, but you find it terribly difficult to forgive yourself. (Read more)

Symptoms of Post Abortion Syndrome: Okay, let's get down to the nitty-gritty. Today you might recognize someone you know. Or you might recognize yourself. (Read more)


 

 

Why Purity?



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This week I've been talking about developing a perspective of purity. I've enjoyed your comments and feedback. I'm sure that this is a topic that I will come back to often on my blog, but as I wrap up this week, I want to spend some time talking about what purity really is and why it is important. As a mom and as a speaker, it has been crucial for me to be able to simply articulate the reasons why purity is something that is to be valued.
Why should we live a lifestyle of purity? The simple answer is that we strive for purity because it gives God glory. That is the bottom line. God’s Glory is at the core of everything He does, and it should be at the core of everything we do. Revelation 4:11 says, “Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honor and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.” God created all things, and He created them for His pleasure. His pleasure, the Bible tells us, is in receiving glory, which is defined as adoring praise and worshipful thanksgiving.

So if we consider the fact that God does everything He does so that His name will be exalted, honored, and glorified, then we must understand that He had holy intentions in setting forth the institution of the family. And to make a long story short, the specific purpose of marriage was that it would mirror the great love of Christ for the church. In Ephesians, Paul teaches husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church.

The passionate intimacy that husbands and wives share is a picture, an
example, of the relationship between Christ and His bride, the church. God is
glorified by this.

God also intended for marriage to produce children who would, in turn, honor and glorify God in their lives. The second chapter of Malachi explains that God put two together in order that they might have godly offspring. Marriage also serves as a way of demonstrating that we can be satisfied with what God gives us. We work at our marriages and we strive to stay in them even when it’s tough, exalting God by trusting His will for our lives and His choice of our life’s partner. One writer said, “This exalts God by demonstrating His value and His ability to supply all our needs, while giving us deep, intense, and lasting joy in all circumstances.”

But everyone knows that we are living in a society in which brokenness abounds. We are literally smothered by our culture’s perversion. Because we have given man glory rather than giving God glory, the culture is saturated with evil. It’s my prayer that the information we have journeyed through together this week will help direct you to some real answers for bringing purity back to the forefront of our parenting. So let's review:

• Teach them early.
• Study the your child's culture--both personal and global.
• Pray: for your child, for his/her spouse, and for opportunities to point your child to Christ.

Why purity? Because it is for the Glory of God.

Purity's Front Lines



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The battle for your child’s purity begins with prayer. If you want to capture her heart for Jesus, you must first understand that hearts are His business.

• Pray that God would give you opportunities to talk openly with your child about the wonderful gift of sex in age-appropriate ways.
• Pray that, through those simple conversations, the Holy Spirit would turn your child’s heart toward purity and holiness.
• Ask God to give your child the courage to go against the culture and follow hard after Christ.

And do not hesitate to pray with your child! Let him see and hear you going to the Father on his behalf.
When my children each turned five, we began the practice of praying for their spouse. Unless the Lord has blessed them with the gift of singleness, odds are that they are going to be married one day.

• That person is real.
• That person needs prayer.
• That person will battle tough times and difficult days.
• That person needs Jesus.

I truly believe that knowing there is a real person out there that God will put them together with (when the time is right) has been helpful to my teens. It has been essential in their seeing the big picture and understanding more distinctly God's plan for purity.
Learning as I go,

Understanding the Culture You Confront



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Thanks for your comments yesterday. We certainly have a lot of work to do as parents, don't we? We have the task of going against the culture in which we live, and then teaching our children to do the same. In order to do this, it is to our benefit to do our homework! We have to know what our children are facing. My friend Susan Henson puts it this way:

“Children are being bombarded from every angle. Truth is no longer truth. Their
culture is morally relevant. Even for us moms, sometimes we don’t know what is
right and wrong. That’s why we must be intentionally studying the culture.”

There are two kinds of culture that parents must study: personal and global.

Your child’s personal culture varies according to her social environment. Her family and friends, her school, even where she lives will determine to some extent her picture of the world. At the same time, we are a global culture. Technology has enabled our children to be assaulted with sexual sights and sounds as early as they can handle a mouse or a remote control. “They will not be prepared to handle these temptations if a parent chooses silence,” says Susan. “It is crucial that parents today be even more aware of the gripping influences and effects of their child’s culture.” I don't know about you, but I want to be right there with my child, on the front lines! I want to help them with strategies for taking down the enemy. I want them to know what they're up against. And I want them to know this truth: Greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world. I want that written on their hearts. What can we do?

Know her personal culture by:
Getting to know her friends. Who does she play with? Is she friends with a child who has two moms or two dads? What kinds of conversations does she have with her friends?

Exploring her school curriculum. Ask questions of your child’s teacher. Find out what he is learning in the way of social studies, community interests, history, and health. Read his textbooks and see for yourself the extent of the humanist spin on the material. As a homeschooling mom, this still applies. Sometimes we homeschoolers are guilty of making purchases via the advice of friends or a quick sampling at a homeschool fair. Know what you are getting! Be thorough.

Acknowledging your family. You know your family better than anyone. If your extended family members are not Christians, are they going to sabotage what you are trying to teach your child about purity and waiting for intimacy until marriage?

Know his global culture by:Praying for discernment. Ask God to reveal to you the hard-hitting media messages you may be tuning out, but your child is zeroing in on.

Becoming a student yourself. Learn current cultural statistics at sites like www.barna.org. Watch the news or read the newspaper. The Baptist Press online news source provides Christian coverage of national and world news.

Supervising his online activity. Check out the sites your child visits often. Keep up with the images he sees and the impressions it makes on him.

Let's commit to doing our homework, y'all. It will certainly make a difference when our families are faced with a test. :)

Purity: Where Do I Start?





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When it comes to handing down a perspective of purity to your children, it is much easier to start at the beginning--the beginning of their young lives! So teach them early. Talking about sexuality with your child is not a one-time conversation. It is a series of conversations leading up to that “big talk,” and a series of conversations coming after it. Purity has always been God’s plan, and as a parent, your home is the place to lay the groundwork. Start with the Old Testament stories that easily demonstrate purity, honor, and integrity:

Adam and Eve—God created one man for one woman. This is the only equation that works. They were the very first family, and they continue to provide the model for us to go by.

Noah’s Ark—Of all the people on earth, only Noah had a pure heart before God. Also, this story again illustrates that God has monogamous couples in mind when it comes to building families.

The Exodus—God’s chosen people were to be set apart, or pure. They went through many rituals to become clean on the outside. Use these stories to talk with your child about how purity of the heart is a clean that must happen on the inside.

The Ten Commandments—When I was teaching these to my then preschool age children, they wanted to know what adultery meant. I chose to explain it this way: God made a special kind of married love for moms and dads to share with each other. It is a wonderful gift! Adultery happens when a person shares that special married love with someone he/she is not married to. That goes against God’s plan for families, and that is a sin. (This definition includes fornication.)
When it comes to defining sex for a young child, how about this: Sex is a special love that a mommy and daddy share with one another in their bedroom behind the privacy of a closed door. This will provide a standard for even a very young child. It shatters that culture's notion that fornication is okay ("mommy and daddy" imply married in a Christian home); it establishes the fact that pornography and exhibitionism are wrong ("behind a closed door"). It retains the mystery and modesty for their young age by defining it as "a special love."

In yesterday's comments, Mommy to Constance mentioned the book, The Princess and the Kiss. This is one of my favorites! Jennie Bishop did a marvelous job in crafting a story book/fairy tale that embraces the beauty and power of purity. It is a must-have in your family's "Princess Protection Program." It is a great resource for planting in your daughter's heart the significance of her first kiss and how it is meant to be saved for her wedding day. Its corresponding book for boys is entitled, The Squire and the Scroll. My friend Susan Henson (keynote speaker at the Pure in Heart Conferences) was so enthralled with these stories that she wrote beautiful devotional guides to go along with them: Life Lessons from the Princess and the Kiss and Life Lessons from the Squire and the Scroll. Beautifully written, these guides are perfect for 8 to 11 year olds. You'll want to check them out!

Thumbs Up for The Princess Protection Program

Hey Everybody,

I hope you got a chance to see Disney's new TV-movie, "The Princess Protection Program" over the weekend. I loved it! For a secular, Disney movie, in many ways it really conveys to girls what being a princess is all about. My favorite line was when Demi Lovato's character said, "I will turn the other cheek, because that is what princesses do." When was the last time you heard that piece of truth spouted off in our vengeful, "payback" world? Viewers were also treated to a montage of true princess behavior: serving others. My, my, my. Unbelieveable! The bad girls were really bad (positively wicked!), and the good girls were really real, and the princess was, in fact, quite royal. And the one who seemed to be a prince, alas, was not, because he was not beautiful on the inside.

Other positive elements included the sweet relationship between the father-daughter characters, Major Mason and Carter. Per Disney's usual m.o., the mother was absent without explanation. My favorite line from the dad in this movie was when he told the princess, "I'm here to protect you, but you need to trust me." (Oh heavens, how many times have I heard that from my Heavenly Father! I need to trust Him!) "The Princess Protection Program" did not end with a guy and girl getting together and a magical kiss--no, this movie ended by celebrating a girl's right to be valued for who she is. You've got to love that!

This week, I'm going to be talking about how you can establish your own "Princess (and Prince!)Protection Program," with several posts on purity. Defining purity for our children is not going to be easy in today’s culture. Our kids' purity is tried and tested at every turn. Kisses are easily squandered, and “true love” is portrayed as common fare. It is important to give our children a perspective of purity by starting conversations early on, understanding the cultural battle we are up against, and practicing the power of prayer. I would love for you to join in the discussion!

For today, please share with me your thoughts on the movie, if you saw it. If you didn't get a chance to see it, is there a movie that you do like sharing with your daughter or son that promotes a purity perspective? Do tell!

Happy Campers

Hey Everybody,

My teenagers are at youth camp this week, and I am missing them already! But I am so grateful for what this "camp" involves. They are at the beach doing personal evangelism. For months they have been in training with our youth pastor and the rest of the teens at our church, learning techniques, tips, and trade secrets for sharing Jesus without fear. They have journeyed through "Way of the Master" training, as well as learning the key components of the F-A-I-T-H method. Through role-playing scenarios with the group as well as God-anointed opportunities to share for real with lost friends, they have prepped for, planned for, and prayed over this very special week. They are setting an example for me.

Bold faith, real lives, and teenagers who get it when it comes to the urgency of the lostness of our culture--I am one happy momma, praising the Lord for making them His own.

Then our sons in their youth will be like well-nurtured plants, and
our daughters will be like pillars carved to adorn a palace. (Psalm
144:12)