Moms and Porn? Time for a Heart Check (Part Two)

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My friend Ruthie worked as a bereavement nurse in the labor and delivery ward, in stressful situations on a daily basis. When her co-workers introduced her to a way of coping--fantasy fiction--she thought little of it. “It was just a book,” she says. However, the novels Ruthie’s friends recommended were filled with larger-than-life heroes and romantic sex scenes that offered her more than an escape. Her new pastime created a debilitating fantasy world with far-reaching effects on her spirit, her marriage, and her mothering.

“My life wasn’t like the ones in the books,” Ruthie says. “Every time I looked at my husband, I wanted him to be like the characters I read about.” Ruthie’s obsession with the novels continued even when her young son complained that she was so busy reading she never played with him anymore. Ruthie shrugged it off and went deeper into the make-believe world of perpetual happy endings. At work, she was constantly handed new books. “It’s so easy to get lost in the fantasy,” Ruthie shares. “We spent our free time talking about the characters as though they were real.”

A woman may not be home during the day to watch the imaginary and addictive world of soap operas, yet nightly, prime-time television delivers unrealistic, godless portrayals of life and love through fictitious dramas and surreal “reality” shows. The characters and situations are diametrically opposed to Christian living. Overexposure leads to desensitization, and it becomes easy to believe that entertaining ourselves in this way isn’t sin. The enemy deceives us, telling us what we watch and read isn’t hurting anybody. But Ruthie knows otherwise. Not only did her marriage and parenting suffer from her her preference for fantasy, she suffered personal ramifications as well. “I was so depressed,” she admits. “My life could never be as perfect as the ones in the books.”

It was five years before Ruthie become conscious of the connection between her disheartened attitude, her ho-hum marriage, and her disjointed relationship with her son. As she began to pursue Christ, Ruthie understood her preoccupation with romance novels stemmed from a desire for perfection--perfection in herself, her husband, and her home. She realizes now, “The only perfection is in Christ.”



QUICK TIPS FOR ESCAPING THE FANTASY TRAP:

• Get real with yourself. You are not the only one fighting this battle. Many women are tempted by sexy books, TV shows, and movies.
• Get real with other women. Commit to building relationships with a few women who are devoted to Christ. Share your weaknesses and be strengthened by the prayerful, emotional support women friends can provide.
• Seek real alternatives. There are plenty of Christian alternatives to romance novels, however, some Christian romances, like their secular counterparts, have macho (albeit godly LOL) heroes who are too good to be true. Try reading authors who write from an authentic faith perspective: Francine Rivers, Karen Kingsbury, or Dee Henderson.

Read More:
Moms and Porn? Time for a Heart Check (Part One)

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