Thursday, May 5, 2011

Top Ten Reasons Why I Am Not An Umpire

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As my boys' baseball season is winding down and heading into tournament play, I would like to recognize our umps with this post.

Gentlemen, I know you've heard me talking from my regular seat right behind home plate. I know you're glad there is a chain link fence between us. And I know you think that I think I could do your job. But I don't, and to prove it, here are my top ten reasons explaining why I am not an umpire.

10. When a runner doesn't touch home plate, I would call him out.
  9. When it is 30 degrees outside, and sleeting, I would cancel the game.
  8.  I always show up on time.
  7.  A pouch of baseballs at my waist is not a good look for me.
  6.  I can count higher than three.
  5.  I think my sons are always safe.
  4.  There would be one strike zone, and it would be the same for both teams.
  3.  When I say "strike" it sounds like the word, "strike."
  2.  I'm better at guilt trips than power trips.
  1.  I'm consistent. (See #5.)

[Please note: This post is for entertainment purposes only. Some of my best friends are umpires. :)]

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