Shorn Identity

"What pretty hair!"
"It's a good hair day!"
"Love your hair!"

I'm on my way to Karla's to videotape the shaving of her head. Her doctors said her hair would be falling out by Day 13...man, they pegged it. She was able to pull it out by the handfuls today, so it's time. She wants this saved as a permanent record of what is taking place. My younger son was asking me, "I don't understand. Why does she want this on video?" And I tried to explain, but in so many ways, this is about our femaleness. I am just not sure that even my best words and my most thorough explanation could enable my 14-year-old son a glimpse of the female psyche and what is really going on here.

"She was born with a head full of hair!"
"Come let Momma fix your hair."
"You need some ribbons for your hair."

Over the past six weeks, only family and friends have known about Karla's cancer. Just the people she has chosen to tell, and of course, the people they have chosen to tell. But you certainly don't know she's sick by looking at her. If you were behind her at Kroger, you wouldn't know. If you passed her on the street, you wouldn't know. If you saw her at the pool with her kids, you wouldn't know. But once the locks are shorn--once the head is shaved--she will be clearly identified as a cancer patient.

"I HATE my hair!"
"But everyone else has highlights! Why can't I get highlights?"
"It's called a straight iron..."

I was at Hobby Lobby last week picking up some scrapbooking supplies, and a beautiful, hot pink Princess wall art caught my eye. It is obviously for a little girl's room, but I felt such a nudge from the Holy Spirit that I was to pick it up for Karla. It was unmistakable--one of those times when there was absolutely no confusion about what the Lord wanted me to do. I thought I was supposed to give it to her when we went for her second round of chemo tomorrow, but no--it's for tonight.

It's a collage of words, words that our Heavenly Father wants His daughter to hear and to remember:

Beloved, Holy, Princess, Treasured, Beautiful, Honored, Light, Daughter of the King, Cherished, Redeemed, Favored, Blessed, Daughter of our Father, Miracle

I pray Karla will read those words again and again, because this is the only identity that counts. Sure, she's been known as a daughter, a sister, a friend, a student, a tennis pro, a physical therapist assistant, a wife, a stepmom, a mother, and now, yes, a cancer patient. But when Abba Daddy looks at His little girl, He sees a Princess. He sees one who is washed in the Blood. He sees her journey. And He sees it up close.

Karla with husband Doug, who showed his support by
shaving his head too.

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Our Verses for the Battle

iChemo sending healing courtesy all kinds of drugs, iPod playing
Karla's favorite band (who else? DANYA)

When Karla first called me with the news of her cancer, I knew I needed God's Word, and I knew that she would need His Word. But I couldn't think. And when I opened His Word, the type was fuzzy...I couldn't focus. Everything had so quickly become overwhelming. So I emailed my new friend, Caroline Boykin, author of The Well-Versed Family. "Caroline," I wrote, "If you have a list of healing verses or verses of comfort easily accessible, would you please send them my way?" That sweet lady sent me these verses (below) within just a couple of hours. What a comfort! I'm sharing these with all of you today, and I hope that they will bring the same comfort , hope, and healing to you, in whatever your life's situation may be.

Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me,
for in you my soul takes refuge.
I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings
until the disaster has passed.
I cry out to God Most High,
to God, who fulfills his purpose for me. (Psalm 57:1-2)

Trust in him at all times, O people;

pour out your hearts to him,

for God is our refuge. (Psalm 62:8)

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast. (Psalm 139:7-10)

God is our refuge and strength,

an ever-present help in trouble.

Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way

and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,

though its waters roar and foam

and the mountains quake with their surging. (Psalm 46:1-3)

When I said, “My foot is slipping,”
your love, O LORD, supported me.
When anxiety was great within me,
your consolation brought joy to my soul. (Psalm 94:18-19)

My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. (John 10:27-29)

You hem me in—behind and before;

you have laid your hand upon me. (Psalm 139:5)

O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you;

my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you,

in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

I have seen you in the sanctuary

and beheld your power and your glory.

Because your love is better than life,

my lips will glorify you.

I will praise you as long as I live,

and in your name I will lift up my hands. (Psalm 63:1-4)

Be not far from me, O God;

come quickly, O my God, to help me. (Psalm 71:12)

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Party in the Healing Room

Karla and I had no idea what to expect from her first chemo appointment. We have both heard stories about how debilitating chemotherapy can be, so there was a lot of apprehension. She just had her port placed the day before, and she was very tender and sore in that area from the surgery. But we had a lot to be happy about, however, because her PET scan had come back clean--Praise the Lord! The cancer is confined to one area and it has not traveled anywhere else.

When we got to what our new friend Carilu (another cancer patient who is just two weeks ahead of Karla in her treatment) refers to as "the healing room," it was very quiet. Several people were sleeping as the medications were being pumped into them, and it was really just a sober, reverent kind of atmosphere. Karla asked the nurse, "Is it okay to laugh? Because we're going to talk and laugh!" (And that is just us. Wherever we are, we are going to talk and laugh!) The nurse smiled and said, "Sure," and Carilu, who had been curled up resting in her chair, sat up and said, "I would love to hear laughter." And so began a new friendship. Karla and Carilu:

• both have breast cancer.
• both have sons named Luke.
• both are losing their hair.
• both are going through the greatest trial of their lives.
• both love Jesus. 

That last thing--they both love Jesus--that's how come there was a party in the healing room. Karla was cranking up some DANYA music on her iPod, and Carilou asked, "Is that Christian music?" Then they just started sharing with each other about their faith, their families, and their feelings about having breast cancer. They will be a great support to each other, and God definitely provided and prepared for the two of them to meet. Amazing, and oh, how very sweet of Him!

Let me just tell y'all something about my sister-in-law, who showed me a living example of one who rests in her identity in Christ. Karla was learning each nurse's name and trying to get to know each one a little bit as they came over to poke her with drugs during those three hours of chemotherapy. (After all, they will all be traveling this road with her, and she is into building relationships!) One young nurse came over and something was obviously troubling her. Karla picked up on it right away, and she began gently asking her if everything was okay. Really. That is so like her! Even in the healing room, Karla was not focused on herself. She was focused on those around her.

The next few days after chemo, however, well, let's just describe those as the chemo hangover, LOL. She has battled nauseau, tremendous achiness, and the all-over feeling of yuckiness multiplied. Tomorrow I'll be sharing our verses for the battle, a listing of several Scriptures that we are praying on this journey. If anyone has any tips to share for those after-chemo days, please feel free to leave a comment. Thanks for each and every prayer!

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This Thing with Our Hair

Hair is a big deal.

My niece, Karla's daughter Summer, upon being told of her mom's cancer and about the things that will be happening--that Mom will be tired, sick, and that her hair will fall out--said, "I don't want to see you bald!"

I guess that would be rather disconcerting for an (almost) eight-year-old, wouldn't it? I was thinking about Summer's gut-honest reaction the other day, when I was at the hair salon (oh, and I do spend a couple of hours there every four weeks--I do!) and I saw a girl Summer's age. It made me remember going to the salon with my mom when I was a little girl. I remembered how it smelled of chemicals and sprays. I remember how it sounded: the murmur of the ladies talking with frequent outbursts of wild laughter. I thought of the "honor system" Coke machine (You reached into a cooler for an icy drink and put your $.20 in a nearby cup) and the bottle opener on the side. And I was reminded of how my mother always left there with a smile on her face and a spring in her step. The little girl I saw the other day wasn't a mere spectator, however. Nope, she was there as a participant. With foils resting like stairsteps in her hair, she looked like a mini-version of the other ladies there. I wondered what amount of pleading she had to do to negotiate the highlights she was getting, and I thought, It starts early, this thing with our hair.

Karla has explained to her kids, "Well, the chemotherapy is killing the bad cells in my body, and when it does that, it will actually kill some of the good cells, too. And that is what will make my hair fall out."

Danya (@danyamusic) and her Aunt Karla (@kpmartin1026)
Danya just got Karla set up with a Twitter account!

Knowing that hers is going to fall out around 13 days after the first chemo treatment (which is tomorrow), Karla took the initiative and got a short cut a couple of days ago. It's really adorable. But in a few days, her husband is going to shave it all off for her. It's kind of empowering--to take the hair off before it falls out. "I’m so not in control right now," Karla admits. "I have very little control of my life." So she's going to get the jump on the hair thing. "It will be a shock," she says candidly, "and I know I will be emotional, but it is what it is. There’s nothing I can do about it. Hopefully, I will have a nice-shaped head."

I am not my hair. I am not this skin. I am a soul that lives within.

~India.Arie

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