Mom's Tip of the Day #31

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When it comes to your kids, playing the “what if” game is not only time-consuming, it is emotionally unhealthy. Live, and love, in the present.

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So What’s Wrong with My Daughter Wearing a Bikini?

New to Mom Seriously? Porn and Purity is an ongoing series of unique articles seeking to help parents understand this cultural issue and its impact on our familes. Read all the articles HERE.

Recently the media has been all over a well-known retailer who introduced a spring swimwear line featuring a girl’s padded bikini, with sizing options of 7 and up. Amid the uproar over the past several days, the retailer has back-pedaled, now saying it believes the bikini is best “suited” for girls 12 and up.

 I’m still not happy.

 Certainly, almost everyone can agree that a padded bikini for 7-year-old girls is ridiculous, unhealthy, and perverted, but what makes it okay for 12-year-olds?

Beliefs. Are boobs really that great? Well, in our culture, yeah, it appears so. Pornography, by God’s definition, is everywhere: movies, advertisements, websites, and television; all resting on an unrestrained fascination with that part of the female anatomy. From padded bras to plastic surgery, the belief exists that when it comes to women’s breasts, “the bigger the better.” But what about in my family? And what about in my own mind and heart? As a mom, I don’t want my nineteen-year-old daughter to think her worth and value rests on her figure. And I didn’t want that happening when she was 12, either. Is a padded top necessary for your 12-year-old? And for that matter, is a bikini necessary? When it comes to our Christian families, the answer is no to both.

 Behavior. If you don’t think a bikini changes the behavior and atmosphere of a group setting, then it’s been a while since you’ve been to youth group. One youth pastor I know, who manages a group of several hundred kids, told me, “Moms think their daughters look cute. But that’s not what the boys are thinking. In fact, if those same moms knew what the boys were thinking, they wouldn’t think it was cute at all.” Into our sexually-charged culture comes a girl who brings pornography to life with her two-piece.

• What was avoided becomes available.
• What was hidden becomes familiar.
• What was taboo (Is it okay with you for your daughter to run around in her bra and panties?) becomes acceptable.

Get Real! A Bible Study for
 7th grade - up

When girls who are fearfully and wonderfully made begin to believe that they are just anatomy, when they are provoked to enhance fresh tween skin with make-up and glitter and their barely budding bodies with built-in padding, I call it identity theft. And I think what we choose to put on our bodies (or what we decline to put on) results primarily from what we choose to put in our minds. Are you feeding your daughter with a steady diet of God’s Word? Are you yourself feasting daily at His table, so that what overflows from your heart pours directly into hers? Are you teaching her to feed herself? Or are you letting the culture do it for you? The culture will gladly take over your parenting gig. Fight it every step of the way—even if it starts with a bikini, it will most certainly not end there.

MORE:
How Do I Explain Modesty to My Young Child?

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Mom's Tip of the Day #182

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Teach your tween to guard her time by helping her see the impact of the choices she makes. A calendar that is filled up with social events leaves little time for focusing on personal goals.

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Mom's Tip of the Day #181

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Just as you would never send your child out to play football without the proper equipment, or allow a car ride of any length to be taken without wearing a seatbelt, you cannot safely send your child out into today’s culture without being properly equipped and protected by the Word of God.

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MTOD: Homeschool Edition #20

When you've finally found a book your child enjoyed, you want to find more, right? Here's how: Go to Amazon and search for the title of the book your child liked. Then scroll down to where it says, Customers who bought this book also bought... and look at those titles. It’s an instant recommended list!

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Mom's Tip of the Day #180

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If your child is a natural competitor with a flair for sports, help him to resist comparing himself with others. Instead, teach him to be concerned with always striving for his personal best.

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Do You Want a Good Kid or a Great One?

New to Mom Seriously? Welcome! You'll find tons of great parenting articles, homeschooling encouragement, and every day, a Mom's Tip of the Day. Enjoy!

What is a good kid?
Does it mean a kid who does not get into trouble, keeps a low profile, and does not do anything to cause his parents to spend extreme amounts of time and energy on his care and upkeep?
Does it mean a kid with good grades and athletic skills and the goal of a lucrative career?
As a parent, that is not what I am going for. I am going for greatness. I want to raise really great kids. When these child-rearing years are mostly over and my children leave the nest for higher education, I do not want them to be known as “good kids.” I want them to be known as great kids.

Not because they got the best grades and were offered scholarships to Ivy League schools.
Not because they are the strongest or the fastest or the best-looking.
Not because they hung out with the “right” kids and made prosperous connections.

So, what is a great kid? Dr. Tim Kimmel says, “True greatness is a passionate love for Jesus Christ that shows itself in an unquenchable love and concern for others.” Most parents who plan on raising good kids—successful kids—esteem wealth, beauty, power, and fame. These values revolve around self. In his book, Raising Kids for True Greatness: Redefine Success for You and Your Child, Dr. Kimmel recommends developing four characteristics in order to grow really great kids: humility, gratefulness, generosity, and a servant spirit. These traits place the focus on others. Teaching our children to value these Christ-like characteristics begins with us parents placing an emphasis on setting the example in our own lives. Learn more about each characteristic along with practical tips for implementing them when you click on the links:

Humility
Gratefulness
Generosity
A Servant Spirit


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Mom's Tip of the Day #30

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Never stop pointing your kids to Christ.

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Weekly Wrap-Up: PIH, Rally Day, and BaseBrrrr!

New to Mom Seriously? Welcome! You'll find tons of great parenting articles, homeschooling encouragement, and every day, a Mom's Tip of the Day. Enjoy!

Hey Everybody,

I feel like I am just regaining my bearings after the Pure In Heart Conference in Lake Charles last weekend! We had such a wonderful time! I totally failed my Twitter followers in regard to updates from the conference. I actually turned my phone off so it wouldn't be a distraction, so I didn't tweet hardly at all! Suggestion: Follow Danya. She tweeted lots! :) It was great serving with my daughter as we spoke to the 11-12 year old girls about having and maintaining a pure heart in thought, words, relationships, and modesty. There is nothing like having a beautiful witness to the truth at your side when you are trying to make a point with a tweenager! :)

How I have grown to love the team that serves in the Pure In Heart ministry. They are such a great bunch of godly women, and I am so blessed every time we are together. (None of us take near enough pictures, unfortunately, so that is something we will really have to work on! LOL) I usually need a day or two after an event to settle back into "real" life (and my "real" energy level when not fueled by the adrenaline of a conference!), but I really hit the ground running this week. David need new cleats before the boys' baseball game Monday, which was two hours away. So we were headed to Academy Sports before I was even ready to get my game face on! Literally! :)

Photo courtesy Logan Vaughan

The next day was the annual THEA Rally Day, and I am quite ashamed to tell you that, in 15 years of homeschooling, it was the very first one I have ever attended. (Sad, really.) It's an effective way to let our state legislature know of the very real presence of homeschoolers here in our great state, and I have just been apathetic, I guess. I have no excuse. But I got involved this year, thanks to my friend Beth, and I hope to make it from now on! I so enjoyed serving alongside AnnaBea, daughter of my friend Janet, and just meeting and greeting so many homeschooling families. There are A LOT of us out there!

Upper: I love names, and since my job was to mark people's names off a list for a luncheon, it was right up my alley! I even met a kid named Abraham Lincoln! (I actually didn't comment, either. I figure he gets enough of that.) And a lot of homeschoolers, like me, name their kids with the same first initial, i.e. Danya, David, and Derek. When people have a lot of children, it is interesting the names they come up with in order to keep the theme going. (One of the funnest parts of having kids is naming them, right?) Downer: Gregg Harris was actually on my list, but he never showed up for the luncheon! :(

So Wednesday was my collapse day, and Thursday, we were back out to the baseball field, but it was not a beautiful spring day like Monday was. Nope, it was a freezing cold day and by the third inning I was watching from the car! Basebrrrrr! Not fun for this mom, that's for sure!

Anyone heading for the Alabama Homeschool Expo in Montgomery in a couple of weeks? Let me know, because I would love to meet you there!

I hope you've had a great week! Be sure to check out all the Weekly Wrap-Ups at Weird, Unsocialized Homeschoolers!



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Mom's Tip of the Day #29

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Date your kids! Regularly create opportunities for one-on-one time with each of them, and give them your undivided attention. Remember: Kids spell “love” t-i-m-e.

Rebecca will be speaking on the topic: How to Date Your Kids at the Alabama Homeschool Expo in Montgomery, April 7-9, 2011! If you're in the area, plan now to attend!

Alabama Homeschool


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Mom's Tip of the Day #28

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Your first priority in parenting is a solid marriage. The kids need to understand that you were a couple before you were a family.

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Is Joy On Your To-Do List?

New to Mom Seriously? Welcome! You'll find tons of great parenting articles, homeschooling encouragement, and every day, a Mom's Tip of the Day. Enjoy!

Just this morning I saw a commercial for a luscious piece of chocolate that made a big promise to anyone who samples its velvety smoothness: joy.

Joy from a piece of chocolate? Happiness, maybe. But joy? I don't think so.

Bonnie St. John

Joy is very different from happiness or pleasure. Happiness is more about how my overall life is going. It’s experiencing sensations that come from the outside in,” explains Bonnie St. John, author of Live Your Joy. “Joy comes from the inside out: hope, confidence, friendship, and faith. Joy, or the lack of it, permeates every aspect of your life.”

Unfortunately, she is quick to point out that some Christians believe that since joy is a gift from God, Christians must be always joyful. “Christians can put unrealistic expectations on each other, such as, If you’re not joyful there is something wrong with your relationship with God. But I’m not always happy. I have ups and downs, and I struggle.”

Everybody does! To illustrate, Bonnie likens the gift of joy to a garden. “God gives us joy, but we have to weed out our bad attitudes, our bad habits. There are personal behaviors that get in the way of God’s joy.”
According to Bonnie, the number one joy stealer for parents is being too busy. “When my daughter Darcy was little, I was so blessed that I could work from home,” she notes. “I got her ready for a half day of kindergarten, and then tried to fit in eight hours of work while she was gone. It is really stressful trying to work at home with a kid running around. By bedtime, you are so tired yourself. I was running so fast that I couldn’t enjoy it.”

Like many moms, Bonnie relies on her “to do” list. “My lists have lists,” she jokes.

In order to appreciate and locate true joy in life, Bonnie advises parents to make room for it on their own to do lists. “I live by my ‘to do’ list, so let me put on my ‘to do’ list some ‘to feel.’ I will put on the list five minutes to pray, to feel gratitude, or to sit still and feel God’s love,” she says. Bonnie believes that many parents are guilty of presenting God with a “to do” list when they pray. Instead, be diligent to enter His gates with thanksgiving! Compose your body and your mind to recognize His loving Hand and faithful providence. Think about how much He loves you. There is great joy in that.

“Problems grab you by the throat. Problems make time for themselves,” Bonnie notes. “Joy doesn’t. Joy gives up and goes away. If you don’t make time for joy, it’s gone.”

"Strong women don't give God a to-do list. They ask God for a to-do list." ~Bonnie St. John

Want more?
Read more about Bonnie St. John HERE.
Read Bonnie's famous Starbucks coffee cup quote HERE.
Visit Bonnie's official website HERE.


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Mom's Tip of the Day #25

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Often middle schoolers become disinterested in the sport or musical instrument they have studied throughout childhood. Know when to push and when to back off.

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Make the Most of Shared Spaces with Designer and QVC Expert Sharon Hanby-Robie

New to Mom Seriously? Welcome! You'll find tons of great parenting articles, homeschooling encouragement, and every day, a Mom's Tip of the Day. Enjoy!

Sharon Hanby-Robie

Did you share a room with a sibling when you were growing up? Today, that practice is not as common. Larger homes and smaller families allow for many siblings to enjoy a space of their own. Sharon Hanby-Robie, an interior designer and author of Decorating Without Fear: A Step-by-Step Guide To Creating The Home You Love and Beautiful Places and Spiritual Spaces: The Art of Stress-free Interior Design, is the eldest of six. She recommends that siblings share a room whether they need to or not! “I feel so blessed that my sisters and I learned how to love each other even when we didn’t like each other,” she laughs. “We learned a lot about compromising, sharing, and how individual personalities are so important.”

The Art of Compromise. Sharon likens siblings learning to share a room to newlyweds learning to share a home. When two children are able to understand the importance of finding a middle ground that incorporates each other’s likes and dislikes, they have discovered a valuable life lesson. “Home is the first world they experience,” explains Sharon. “What they learn here they take forward, and that is how they treat the world.” Sharing a room teaches kids how to get along with not only each other, but also people in general.

Sharing and Caring. When children share a room, they have unlimited opportunities to practice showing Christ’s love to each other. As a mom, you have unlimited opportunities to teach them how. With the older child, seek to hone his leadership skills. Encourage him to step up to the place the Lord has given him in the family. Help him understand that he has the position of serving as a role model—for good or bad.

Getty Images

This is Mine. When children share a room, it is critical that each is still able to express her own personality, style, and taste. Is it possible to achieve a cohesive design with two unique children? What if one likes orange and the other wants purple? “Use their colors,” Sharon assures. “You can make any combination of colors work if you just find one thing that ties them together.”

Sharon suggests finding a fabric that both children can agree on. Use that as your springboard. It can show up in the valances, dust ruffles, throw pillows, or as a background for bulletin boards or headboards. And discount the flexibility as well as the affordability of a coat of paint! “You can’t go wrong with paint,” Sharon explains, “because you can always just re-paint.”

Sharing a room teaches kids how to get along with each other, developing friendships by keeping children close when school and other activities are vying for their time. Make the most of shared spaces! There are only so many years siblings are at home together, and there is only so much time for making memories.

If you're in the Orlando area, you can see Sharon in person at the Create The Space You Deserve Event!

Want more?

Check out Sharon's official website--lots of great stuff here!
Sharon's QVC Blog
Sharon's Facebook page
Sharon's Twitter
Sharon's book, Beautiful Places and Spiritual Spaces: The Art of Stress-free Interior Design is bargain-priced at Amazon! Check it out!




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Mom's Tip of the Day #183

Glad you stopped by!  Mom's Tip of the Day is a power-packed parenting truth, posted every weekday. Looking for more tips? Check out my Archived Tips (#1-50)  and Tips By Topic!

Organization is not a gift or a talent or some elusive personality trait that only exists for the certain moms and kids. It can be learned.

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Follow Me On Twitter for Updates from the Pure In Heart Conference!

It's here! The Pure In Heart Conference happens tomorrow at the Trinity Baptist Church in Lake Charles, Louisiana!

And guess what? We have two more conferences scheduled for this fall! Perhaps one of them is near you! I hope so! I will be releasing the details of our upcoming conferences very soon!

This weekend, I'll be updating my Twitter just as often as possible. Danya is really good about updating her Twitter account too. Check in with us from time to time and see what is going on. I'll be tweeting prayer requests, too, and it would be great to know that I have your prayer support. We are going into enemy territory, you know, and going in on our knees is the very best strategy.

Thanks, everyone! Have a great weekend!


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Mom's Tip of the Day #24

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The enemy longs to sabotage your family, but the Savior offers you victory! Because of Jesus, you’re undefeated! Live like the winner you are!

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Mom's Tip of the Day #179

Glad you stopped by!  Mom's Tip of the Day is a power-packed parenting truth, posted every weekday. Looking for more tips? Check out my Archived Tips (#1-50)  and Tips By Topic!

When playing games with your family, always congratulate the winner with a hearty, “Good game!” and a handshake. This is sportsmanship at its finest.

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Confronting the Idols of a Modern-Day Culture: An Excerpt from Season of Change

New to Mom Seriously? Welcome! You'll find tons of great parenting articles, homeschooling encouragement, and every day, a Mom's Tip of the Day. Enjoy!

I spent my middle and high school years submerged in the 1980s. The rampant materialism of the day was like an IV in the arm of idolatry. The media was not as far-reaching then, but through movies, television, pop music, and fashion magazines, it still managed to erect idols in my soul: the idol of glamour, the forbidden, foolish vanity, and unwarranted pride. I had an enemy! And I still do. As parents, we must warn our children of the enemy and help them defeat him, first by surrendering our own idols, and then, by developing a daily battle plan.

Making a decision for Christ opposes the idols of the world. It confronts the culture with His truth, taking on many forms in order to reach all people with His message. When you receive too much change and give it back to the store clerk, when you befriend a stranger, when you overlook a wrong, and when you pray for those who hurt you, you are confronting the culture. But does that make a real difference? It can potentially make a life or death difference, if, as the apostle Peter taught, you are “ready to speak up and tell anyone who asks why you’re living the way you are, and always with the utmost courtesy” (1 Peter 3:15b, Msg). We can challenge the way things are by choosing the way God meant them to be. We can be set apart, and so can our kids.

Confronting the idols in our modern-day culture means choosing a lifestyle that is set apart—not one that is tucked away. We must live boldly according to God’s precepts, engaging a people who are desperate for His abundant life, showing them a different way to go. Our children need to see that alternate route, as well. They will best resist the pull of the world if they are standing firm on right choices—choices they have learned to make, one after the other, over their growing-up years.

The last thing your middler needs is a religion full of don’ts. He needs a relationship with Jesus Christ—a personal connection that is as integral to everyday decisions as it is to life’s major crossroads. Truly, the middle school years are a time when the everyday decisions seem like major crossroads. What to wear, what band to listen to, what friends to hang out with—these are all monumental moments in the life of a middler. Because of their desperate need for peer-approval, coupled with their desire to blend in, many kids will go along with the crowd because it’s the easy thing to do. The idol of convenience tempts them to take the easy way out, so fitting in and going along with the crowd is far easier than thinking through and taking a stand provoked by conviction. As parents, we must teach our kids how to navigate the multitude of choices the world presents. We have to help them learn how to think through things. For example, if your child begins to show an interest in a secular band that doesn’t meet your approval, find a similar Christian band and purchase their CDs. Then begin asking the tough questions. If it is the type of music that was appealing (country, rock, hip-hop), the problem is solved. But if it is the band’s worldliness, their lyrics, or their lifestyle that your teen found attractive, you need to find out why—and your child, also, needs to confront his attraction to sin.

Excerpted from Season of Change: Parenting Your Middle Schooler with Passion and Purpose by Rebecca Ingram Powell. All rights reserved. May not be used without permission.

Season of Change is available now on Kindle!



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Mom's Tip of the Day #178

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Unfortunately, for every winner there is at least one loser. Tempering a child’s character with a spirit of gracious sportsmanship is essential to his development.

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If You Know Who You Are, You Can Teach Her Who She Is

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When it comes to other women, do you consider yourself inclusive or exclusive?

When my friend Dianne moved to a new community, she felt frustrated after an attempt to connect with a local moms’ group. “It was like cheerleader tryouts all over again,” she mused. I knew exactly what she meant. My mind returned to the spring of my sixth grade year, when cheerleader tryouts were held at my middle school. It seemed like everyone except me had swingy hair, a perfect complexion, and athletic coordination. I felt out of place and unsure of myself. I knew from one glance at the competition that I would never make the cut.

Like Dianne, I’ve continued to experience situations as an adult in which those feelings of insecurity and inferiority resurface. I still have bad hair days and the occasional zit, causing a preoccupation with the trivial. Walking into a room full of people I’ve never met remains somewhat unnerving. There are times when I still find myself overly concerned with what others think: friends, colleagues, even complete strangers.

Did I smile big enough?
Keep my arms straight enough?
Jump high enough?

However, something has happened that has made a huge difference in my life. I’ve learned what God has to say about me, and I’ve accepted it. It doesn’t matter how I feel about me or what other people think. I believe Him! God says:


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• I am fearfully and wonderfully made, whether or not I can do a cartwheel (Psalm 139:14).
• I am chosen of God, holy and dearly loved, whether or not I am chosen by a panel of judges (Colossians 3:12).
• I am a child of God, and I look like my Father, whether or not I’m having a good hair day (I John 3:1, 2).
• I am accepted by God because of my faith in Jesus Christ, whether or not I am accepted by other people ( Galatians 2:16).

Now, just imagine a world where we as women believed this--stood on it!--walked it, breathed it, lived it. And then imagine that we taught our daughters to do the same. :)

Are you setting an example today that includes others? Or are you still as clique-ish as you were in 6th grade? Or are you still believing you don't fit in, so you are reluctant to approach people and you hesitate in making new friends?

Hmmm.

Know who you are, because He says you are, and pass it on. She is depending on you to teach her to depend on Him.